13 Characteristics of Churches that Reach and Utilize All of their Men – Part 3

This post is part of a series of posts that have been incorporated into Part 1 of my online article, “A Comprehensive Church-Based Ministry to Men.”

What do churches that reach and utilize all of their men look like? This post is the last in a series of three posts on this topic. In the first two posts, I looked at pastoral leadership and lay leadership in these types of churches. In this post I’m focusing on four qualities of the congregations as a whole that demonstrate these types of characteristics.

9. Churches that reach and utilize all of their men have men who are involved in their children’s and youth ministries.

“In everything set them an example.” Titus 2:7

Children’s ministers and youth ministers in all churches in America should keep this one fact in mind: mother only households comprise over 20% of all households.¹

This paucity of men living with their children makes it imperative that churches include mature Christian men as participants in all levels of a church’s Cristian education and youth programs. Boys especially must have clear godly male role models while growing up in church. Having only women leading in younger CE classes and teen youth programs only reinforces what many children already experience in their homes.

10. Churches that reach and utilize all of their men have a multitude and variety of opportunities for fellowship and service that men feel comfortable doing.

“We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us.” 1 John 1:3

“I can’t do that.”

One of the first lessons I learned when I finished my masters degree and entered ministry was that my advanced education actually isolated me from the men in my church. I was now the Christian “expert” and they were the Christian “amateurs.” They saw in me everything they couldn’t do: translate biblical Greek and Hebrew, speak in public, pray in public, counsel people, visit people in hospitals, respond to people in crisis situations, perform weddings and funerals, and on and on.

The very palpable but often subconscious response the men in my church had to me was, “I can’t do that.”

On the other hand, I had spent so much time and effort getting my education (and struggling to support myself in the process) that I had not learned to enjoy any of the things my men enjoyed, like fishing, hunting, sports, music, you name it. When it came to these typical manly pass times my response to my men was also, “I can’t do that.”

In my struggle to bridge the gap between myself and the men I was ministering to, over the years I learned to enjoy playing softball and golf. I went on camping trips with my men, or just took long hikes with them. And I recruited men to help me work on the church building.

I also found ways to get men involved in the church’s ministry, such as inviting them to participate in our CE and Youth programs, or in small home groups.

But the most successful ministry I had with my men was the men’s team ministries to our widows, single moms, and fatherless children that I started in my pastorates in Illinois and Colorado. My men absolutely loved this ministry because they were able to build years-long relationships with other men on their teams as well as with their teams’ care receivers all while doing projects together that they were good at.

Suddenly, men who kept thinking “I can’t do that” when it comes to ministry developed an “I can do that” attitude as they saw the impact their faithful service was having on their care receivers, their care receivers’ families, friends, and neighbors, as well as on themselves, and on their entire church.

11. Churches that reach and utilize all of their men give men opportunities for creating deeply rewarding and long lasting male friendships.

“Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.” 1 Thessalonians 2:8

Here are some sad statistics about American men and their friends. According to the Survey Center on American Life, “Fifteen percent of men have no close friendships at all, a fivefold increase since 1990.” The report also states that “Thirty years ago, a majority of men (55 percent) reported having at least six close friends. Today, that number has been cut in half. Slightly more than one in four (27 percent) men have six or more close friends today.”²

One of the primary benefits of knowing Jesus Christ is the opportunity for men to develop close friendships with other men at church. Loneliness is epidemic in American culture. A recent Harvard Graduate School of Education survey of 950 Americans found that “36% of all Americans—including 61% of young adults and 51% of mothers with young children—feel “serious loneliness.” Not surprisingly, loneliness appears to have increased substantially since the outbreak of the global pandemic.”³

But at the very core of Christianity is the concept of fellowship, as John tells us in 1 John 1:3 – “We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ.”

Thus, churches that are successfully reaching and utilizing their men provide opportunities for many different kinds of fellowship with other men. Some of this fellowship occurs for example before and after services, in small home groups, while working on church committees, on mission trips, and while doing church projects. But the most significant times of fellowship happen when men know each other well enough that they can communicate their deepest thoughts, feelings and concerns with each other in mentoring relationships and in accountability groups.

12. Churches that reach and utilize all of their men have a manly cultural awareness.

“I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some.” 1 Corinthians 9:22

Conservative Christian churches are not doing well when it comes to men regularly participating in church life. The leading authority on this problem is David Murrow. In his book, Why Men Hate Going to Church, Murrow writes:

“So who goes to church? Women. The US Congregational Life Survey pegged the typical churchgoer as a fifty-year-old, married, well-educated, employed female.⁴ An ABC News/Beliefnet poll found that a worshipper is most likely an older, black female who lives in the South.⁵ By combining figures from the US Census and a study by Barna Research, we can estimate a weekly gender gap of more than thirteen million in America’s churches.⁶ The US Congregational Life Survey concurs: “While the U.S. population is split fairly evenly between men and women, there are more women (61%) than men (39%) in the pews. This difference is found in every age category, so the fact that women live longer than men does not explain the gender difference in religious participation.” ⁷ Almost a quarter of America’s married, churchgoing women regularly attend without their husbands.⁸ (Murrow, David. Why Men Hate Going to Church (pp. 13-14). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.)

These statistics demonstrate that churches are doing a great job reaching women, but when it comes to men, not so much. I suggest every pastor get Why Men Hate Going to Church, devour it, and then implement his recommendations.

13. Churches that reach and utilize all of their men have men who see that they are changing for the better and changing things for the better, and they like what they see.

“Make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 1:5-8

Men who have been reached spiritually by their churches and are functioning effectively in their churches see improvements in their marital and family relationships, in their relationships with fellow believers, and in their relationships with their neighbors and fellow workers because they are learning how to love others the way Jesus does.

As these men walk with the Lord they see improvements in their character, experiencing victory over besetting sin, more transparency with others about their sin, more inner peace, more joy in the Spirit, more hope and sense of purpose. This inner strength and discipline translates into increased physical health, more productivity at work, and increased financial wellbeing.

And what man wouldn’t want that?

This post first appeared in NewCommandment.org.

_______________________________________________________________

Learn how to form teams of men for every widow, single mom

and fatherless child in your church at NewCommandment.org.