A Men’s Ministry Men of God Need to Know (Part 4): Every Man of God Needs to Monitor His Mental Health

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Previous posts in this series can be found in my article, A Comprehensive Church-Based Ministry to Men.

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The day “Cliff” tried to liberate Cuba from Fidel Castro

“Cliff,” who is now deceased, was a born again Christian who had come to know Christ as his savior as a young adult. The problem was that Cliff was also bipolar and frequently went off his medication. And when Cliff went off his medication, he did wild, crazy things. For instance, Cliff lived in Reno, Nevada, and one day, when he was in his manic state, he decided to try to eradicate legalized prostitution in the state by faking his own abduction in order to bring attention to his cause. For several days his disappearance led to a frenzied search for him by the authorities, only for him to be found…and then found out.

But Cliff’s pièce de résistance was the day he tried to liberate Cuba from Fidel Castro.

Cliff had been off his medication for months when he developed the delusion that he could personally liberate Cuba from Fidel Castro. In his unmedicated state, he flew to south Florida, enrolled in a flight training school, and, when he was able to fly the school’s plane solo, promptly stole it and turned it toward Cuba where he crash landed on a beach near Havana.

“I’m here to liberate Cuba from Fidel Castro!” he proudly announced to the authorities when they arrived at what they thought was an accidental crash scene. The Cuban government took Cliff into custody and, realizing they had someone who was struggling with mental illness, repatriated him to the U.S. a few weeks later.

Back in the U.S., Cliff was arrested upon arrival in Florida, charged with grand larceny, convicted, and given probation. But Cliff, still finding it difficult to stay on his medication, broke his probation and as a result wound up in prison where he spent most of the rest of his life.

Unaddressed mental health issues can affect the good works we attempt to do for God

Unfortunately, Cliff’s inadequate response to his mental health issue caused him to conflate his natural Christian desire to do good works with grandiose schemes caused by his bipolar disease that brought himself and others pain and suffering, which hindered, not helped, the cause of Christ.

In another example of someone who conflated his emotional pain with his good works, I personally experienced the receiving end of the pain a church staff member caused because of the unresolved emotional conflicts he had with his family. Otherwise well-qualified, I hired him in spite of knowing that he was alienated from his father and three brothers. As a consequence of his unaddressed mental health issues, he duplicated the relationship he had with his family with me (because I was another father figure for him), which caused serious problems. The good works he was attempting to do instead became destructive.

As men of God who are seeking to do the good works God saved us and equipped us to do, if we do not address the mental health issues we may have, eventually they will catch up to us and poison our good works.

The mental health trap men of God can fall into

The main question any man of God faces when he slips into depression or some other emotionally abnormal state is to ask why. “Why, if I am walking with the Lord and doing the Lord’s work, am I feeling this way?” Not being able to answer that question adequately only makes the emotional problem worse. Consider the psalmist’s predicament in Psalm 42 when he couldn’t understand why he was depressed.

Like the psalmist above, we can think that because we are saved, reconciled to God, and walking with God, that therefore we shouldn’t have any mental health issues. Sometimes, if we are struggling with chronic depression or other emotional issues, feeling so down and not having any answers as to why we feel that way may even cause us to doubt our salvation. “Why am I still feeling like this? I must not be a Christian.”

But we human beings are multifaceted, complicated creatures. We are not just spiritual beings. We also have physical, social, and psychological aspects to our existence. As a result, not only is our emotional wellbeing affected by our spiritual state, but it is also affected by our family history, by our upbringing, by our social setting, by our genetics, by our hormones, by our brain’s hardwiring, by our health, and by many other factors that can negatively impact us.

Thinking that all emotional problems arise from our spiritual state is a trap that men of God can fall into. Such thinking often results in unnecessary guilt that just exacerbates an emotional problem and distracts us from finding its real cause. If a man of God who obediently walks in fellowship with God and does the will of God still struggles with emotional issues such as depression, chronic stress, irrational thoughts or compulsive behavior, then it is time for him to look for other causes instead of spiritual ones.

How local church men’s ministries can promote mental health in their men

“I say I’m fine, yeah I’m fine oh I’m fine, hey I’m fine but I’m not
I’m broken
And when it’s out of control I say it’s under control but it’s not
And you know it
I don’t know why it’s so hard to admit it
When being honest is the only way to fix it
There’s no failure, no fall
There’s no sin you don’t already know
So let the truth be told”

–“Truth be Told” by Carly Pearce and Matthew West

According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), two out of ten men live with a mental illness. (“In 2021, there were an estimated 57.8 million adults aged 18 or older in the United States with AMI [any mental illness]. This number represented 22.8% of all U.S. adults.”)

Local church men’s ministries are one of the few American institutions specifically designed to congregate men together for the purpose of developing relationships. As such, a church’s men’s ministry can play a vital role in addressing men’s mental health issues. Here are some suggestions on how this can be done.

• Destigmatize mental health issues by talking about them – We men are famous for our stoicism. We will do anything to avoid appearing weak in front of other men, especially appearing emotionally weak. But a man is not weak when he speaks honestly about his emotional struggles. Never being willing to talk about how to deal with emotional issues is weakness. Pure gold is the men’s ministry that creates a safe zone for men so they can take the courageous step of speaking their mind without fear of rejection. When a men’s leader talks openly from time to time about mental health, he telegraphs the message that this is normal behavior.
• Get men into small, long-lasting groups – Trust lays a foundation for openness about emotional issues. But trust must be built over time. A men’s ministry that organizes regular men’s small group meetings provides a perfect setting for the kind of honesty and openness that brings emotional healing.
• Use the Bible to teach on mental health – The Bible contains many passages that give us insight into good mental health. The Book of Psalms, for example, is essentially a record of David’s (and others’) spiritual and emotional journaling. In the Psalms, the authors provide an unvarnished x-ray into their hearts and psyches as they relate to God and try to make sense out of their feelings and circumstances. Use the Psalms as examples of how men can themselves journal about where they are at spiritually and emotionally.
• Emphasize the Holy Spirit in mental health – All believers have the Holy Spirit, who is our paraklētos, our comforter (John 14:16-17). Teach men how to access the presence of our comforter during times of emotional distress through prayer, meditation, singing, and serving others. Help them understand that the Holy Spirit is our friend who is with us at all times and will help us when we call upon Him. When we seek him, the Holy Spirit produces love, joy, peace, and all of the other “fruits” of his presence. The fruits of the Holy Spirit are the very definition of mental health.
• All Christian fellowship fosters mental health – Praise God for men’s pancake breakfasts! We tend to make fun of this well-worn and sometimes superficial Saturday morning tradition in men’s ministry, But while one of the goals of any men’s ministry should be the fostering of close relationships that produce sincere, transparent communication about emotional problems, any men’s meeting on any level helps. American culture has produced an epidemic of loneliness, especially among men. (See “Boys and men are lonelier than ever.“) Social interaction at any level is healthy for men.
• Personally talk to anyone in your men’s ministry with advanced mental health issues – “Are you okay? You seem to be struggling.” Sometimes a simple intervention such as that can foster the beginning of healing for someone who seems emotionally overwhelmed. You may not have the answers to his problems, but you can offer to help him find someone like your pastor or a counselor who does.
• But don’t just focus on mental health – There is more to men’s ministry than psychology, much more. As the saying goes, God did not save us just so we can feel good about our sin.

Self-monitoring our mental health: the Psalm 23 test

Because he loves us, God desires to provide us with a durable rest that can weather any trial and calm every fear. He does this by developing a trusting, loving relationship with us. I call this rest a “durable rest,” because it is not based on our circumstances, but on our relationship with God. David famously describes this rest in Psalm 23. Let’s break the psalm down into its components.

• God desires to provide spiritual, emotional, and physical rest for every believer.

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.” Psalm 23:1-3

What a beautiful picture! This verse is the essence of psychological health. “Ahhhh! I feel so rested!” Scripture repeats this theme of rest for the believer in many places. Here are two examples:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

“There remains therefore a rest for the people of God. For he who has entered His rest has himself also ceased from his works as God did from His.” Hebrews 4:9-10

• God desires to provide a durable rest for every believer that can calm every fear and weather any trial.

David goes on to emphasize that his rest is not just dependent on an idyllic scene. He says he has this rest even when God leads him away from the green pastures and quiet waters. Why? Because God is with him.

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.” Psalm 23:4-5

We too have God’s durable rest when we can face any difficulty without fear because we know that the Lord is leading us every step of the way.

• God desires to provide this durable rest for every believer by developing a permanent, loving relationship with us that will never end.

David ends his psalm by giving the secret to his durable rest: assurance of his salvation.

“Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” Psalm 25:6

Assurance of one’s good standing with another person provides the foundation for healthy relationships and for healthy psychology. In David’s case, the person he is relating to is God. David’s assurance of his eternal good standing with God through faith explains why he can rest, even in the most difficult of circumstances.

What we have, then, in Psalm 23, is a clear description of healthy spirituality and psychology: “I am loved eternally by God who cares for me, watches over me in the most difficult of circumstances, and will never leave me.” That knowledge enables David to rest spiritually and emotionally.

So, Men of God, here is the question: Are we experiencing this durable rest that God provides?

When it is time to get help

Wait a minute. At first blush there seems to be a direct contradiction between Psalm 23 and Psalm 42. In Psalm 23, David is indomitable, experiencing a peace and rest even in the face of imminent death and the threat of attack by his enemies. He tells us he feels at perfect peace because of the relationship he has with God, his “shepherd.” But in Psalm 42, the author (Psalm 42 was written by the sons of Kora.) sounds befuddled and depressed. He doesn’t understand why he is feeling that way, even though he has a sound spiritual relationship with God, just like David does in Psalm 23. (See, for example, verses 1-2, 5, 8, 11 in Psalm 42.)

The answer to this seeming contradiction between Psalms 23 and 42 is that there are other causes for mental illness besides spiritual causes, as I pointed out above. So if we are walking in fellowship with the Lord, as David is in Psalm 23, but still struggling with depression or other forms of mental illness, like the psalmist expresses in Psalm 42, then it is time for us to get help so we can explore what those other causes may be.

In this case, I suggest you talk to your pastor and also see a doctor for a full medical exam and lab workup. You can also get referrals from your pastor and/or doctor for counseling. Just know that, in this case, your depression or other mental or emotional issue is not because of a lack of spirituality, but because of a lack of insight.

If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, call the national suicide hotline phone number, 988, now for help.

This post first appeared in NewCommandment.org.

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Learn how to form teams of men for every widow, single mom

and fatherless child in your church at NewCommandment.org.

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