A Men’s Ministry Men Want to Know (Part 4): Breaking Out of Groupthink

Previous posts in this series have been incorporated into Part 2 of my online article, “A Comprehensive Church-Based Ministry to Men.”

My naïve assumption

When I first started New Commandment Men’s Ministries almost twenty years ago I thought that because men’s team ministry to widows and others with long term needs is a no brainer, it would take off like a rocket.

After all, the Bible stresses the importance of serving widows throughout its pages. And using teams of men to serve them for two hours once a month has proved to be a successful way to accomplish this task, given the nature of our contemporary culture. Men love it. Widows love it. Their families love it. And churches love it.

Unfortunately, while it is true that we have had some success, it has not been the kind of exponential success I thought we would have. To be sure, we have helped around 1,000 churches start men’s team ministries. But in the beginning I thought by now we would be at well over 10,000 churches and on our way to seeing men’s team ministry become simply one of the assumed things that Christian men do at church.

I had no idea I would be running up against groupthink

Instead of smooth sailing, I found myself running up against some strong headwinds when telling church leaders about men’s team ministry to widows and single parents. Here are some of those headwinds:

Ignorance of, or disobedience to, the biblical teaching about the church’s responsibility to its widows and others
Abdicating the church’s responsibility for widows to the state and thinking U.S. widows’ meager Social Security benefits are enough
Substituting superficial kind gestures for the love of Christ
Serving the poor outside the church while ignoring widows and others inside the church
No or little funding in the church budget for its widows
Deacon mission creep that waters down ministry to widows as just one responsibility among many other competing responsibilities
Doing intermittent project ministry for widows instead of doing long term relational ministry for widows that includes projects
The know-it-all mega church mentality: we’re big, therefore we do not need your advice about our widows
Parochial denominations that won’t go outside their denomination to seek advice for caring for their widows
Uninterested church pastors and elders who think ministry to widows is beneath them, in spite of the fact that Paul directs his teaching on our protocol in Acts 20:34-35 specifically to pastors and elders
No seminary or Bible college training in ministry to widows

In all of this, when it comes to ministry to widows, churches compare themselves with the poor job other churches are doing in serving their widows and assume that, in spite of what Scripture teaches, their meager widows ministry, if it exists at all, is adequate. They never ask themselves whether what they are doing for widows is really what Scripture means when it tells us to treat the older women in our churches as if they are our own mothers, that is, as their fiduciaries.

In other words, churches are victims of groupthink. As a result, the people who suffer silently in the pews of churches as a result of groupthink are their widows and anyone else in their congregations with an unmet long term pressing need.

God’s protocol for men’s ministry is completely contrary to what we would expect

“Plead the cause of the widow” (Isaiah 1:17).

Let’s face it, this protocol that God has given us is the furthest thing from most Christian men’s minds. After all, we have enough issues of our own. We have marital issues, financial issues, work issues, mental health issues, spiritual issues, physical issues, family issues, time management issues. Why obligate ourselves to a widow in our church or anyone else in need with whom we are not even related to?

Consequently, it is “the issues men have” that we think of first when we think of men’s ministry: How do we show men how relevant Jesus Christ is to resolving men’s issues?

The problem, however, is that men’s ministry is not just the process of making Jesus Christ relevant to men by showing them how he can solve their problems. Men’s ministry is above all the process of making men relevant to Jesus Christ so that they accomplish his will on this earth.

For example, a thief definitely has issues. But when we lead a thief to Christ, scripture commands us to first exhort him “to work with his hands, that he may have to give to those who are in need” (Ephesians 4:28). That is, he is to obey our protocol. Then we deal with his issues. Modern men’s ministry leads the thief to Christ and deals with his issues, but rarely gets around to exhorting the former thief to work hard so he has something to give others in need.

Yes, there is a place for felt need men’s ministry; showing men how Jesus can address their issues. But the ultimate goal of men’s ministry is bringing men into a right relationship with God through faith in his Son, Jesus Christ, so that they can then go on to accomplish God’s righteousness.

““Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the , plead the cause of the widow” (Isaiah 1:17).

We break out of groupthink by taking God’s promises at face value

“Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool” (Isaiah 1:18).

Isaiah 1:18 is God’s promise to a nation in deep spiritual and moral decline: do the protocol – plead the cause of a widow – and I will transform your nation. I will make its sins as white as snow.

We have seen how the early church took this promise in Isaiah 1:18 seriously and made the protocol in 1:17 one of its primary objectives from day one.

But Isaiah 1:18 is also God’s promise to the church today. Do we live in a culture that is in increasing moral decay? I think we can all agree that we do. Then, given the situation we are in, God says find a widow in your church, or outside your church, and plead her cause. If you do, I will utterly transform the moral climate in your culture.

It is as simple as that…and as hard as that.

The problem, then, is groupthink. Nothing I am saying here is new. We know what Scripture says we are to do, but it doesn’t correspond with what the churches we see around us doing. They don’t even come close. So, to keep the peace, we go along with the crowd and continue to do next to nothing for our widows and others.

Two men who broke out of groupthink

It only takes one person to help a group awaken from the stupor of groupthink. Here are two examples.

David: “Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?”

The story of David and Goliath is the story of how David helped an entire nation – the nation of Israel – awaken from groupthink. The Israelites knew about God’s mighty acts. They knew how God had given Abraham a son when he was 99 years old. The knew how God had miraculously delivered their forefathers from slavery in Egypt. They knew how God spoke personally with Moses and gave them the law at Mt. Sinai. They knew how God miraculously sent their forefathers mana in the wilderness. They knew about the deeds of their judges and how God used them to deliver Israel from their enemies.

But in spite of all of this, the strongest men in Israel stood paralyzed before the giant Goliath. They had become paralyzed in the quicksand of groupthink that turned them into faithless, useless cowards.

But then David came along, the youngest in his family, and a lowly shepherd at that. Because of the isolation he endured as a shepherd, he had not received the memo that everything was hopeless when he arrived at the battlefront. In fact, David had already witnessed the power of God as he defended his little flock of sheep against wild animals.

And so David made a simple assumption: those stories they had heard about how God had acted on behalf of their nation were true. And because they were true, he was going to act on that truth and fight the uncircumcised Philistine.

David refused to submit to the groupthink all around him. Instead, he stood up, grabbed his sling and ten stones, and defeated Goliath.

Because of David’s act, suddenly, everything looked entirely different to the nation of Israel. All because one man took God’s promise that he would act on behalf of his people at face value.

Martin Luther: “My conscience is captive to the Word of God.”

“Unless I am convinced by Scripture and plain reason – I do not accept the authority of the popes and councils, for they have contradicted each other – my conscience is captive to the Word of God. I cannot and I will not recant anything for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe.” Martin Luther defending himself to Pope Leo X in 1520.

The more Martin Luther, a German Priest, compared the practices of the Roman Catholic Church with scripture, the more disturbed he became. The straw that broke the camel’s back was the church’s sale of indulgences to raise money for the building of St. Peter’s Basilica.

Indulgences were guarantees of the forgiveness of sins that one could purchase. In essence, the church had monetized salvation. “As soon as the coin in the coffer rings, the soul from purgatory springs” was the fundraising scheme’s byline.

Luther proposed a debate about indulgences when he nailed his 95 Theses to the door of his Wittenberg church on October 31, 1517. Luther argued that one cannot purchase salvation and the church cannot grant it. Rather, salvation could only be obtained throuth faith in Christ, as clearly stated in the Bible.

By raising the Bible’s authority above that of the church and the pope, Luther broke out of a centuries long groupthink and began the Reformation, transforming world history in the process. All because one man took God’s promise of salvation by grace through faith at face value.

“Lord, deliver us from American Christianity”

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:35

Jesus Christ promised his disciples that if they love each other as he loved them, then the world would recognize them as his disciples. That is exactly what happened. Early believers loved each other by obeying their protocol, as Tertullian so beautifully describes in his Apology:

“On the monthly day, if he likes, each puts in a small donation; but only if it be his pleasure, and only if he be able: for there is no compulsion; all is voluntary. These gifts are, as it were, piety’s deposit fund. For they are not taken thence and spent on feasts, and drinking-bouts, and eating-houses, but to support and bury poor people, to supply the wants of boys and girls destitute of means and parents, and of old persons confined now to the house; such, too, as have suffered shipwreck; and if there happen to be any in the mines, or banished to the islands, or shut up in the prisons, for nothing but their fidelity to the cause of God’s Church, they become the nurslings of their confession. But it is mainly the deeds of a love so noble that lead many to put a brand upon us. See, they say, how they love one another.” Tertullian, Apology, XXXIX

This passage proves that Tertullian and his fellow believers, who lived hundreds of miles from Jerusalem in Carthage, North Africa, were still practicing the protocol – and seeing the fruit that comes from it – 150 years after Christ died! In reality, the church conquered Rome one widow at a time as it obeyed its protocol.

“See how they love one another.”

Tell me, what are we modern American conservative Christians known for? Is it for the way we love each other the way Tertullian and his fellow believers did? I think not.

I believe an honest response to that question is that instead of being known for our love for each other we are known for our strident political positions, for our divisions, for our racism, for our huge mega churches, for our loud clanging TV preachers, for our love of money, for our arrogant cultural hegemony, and for our immoral pastors.

But love? People would laugh at us if we suggested that love is our primary characteristic.

The result? Over a recent ten year span (2011-2021), the number of self-identified Christians in America has declined by 12%.¹ If this trend continues, a Pew research study has concluded that Christianity will cease being a majority religion in America by 2070.²

“Let our people learn to engage in good works, to meet pressing needs, that they may not be unfruitful” (Titus 3:14). Paul warns Titus that if his flock fails to obey their protocol, then they will be unfruitful. How true. We are witnessing the reality of this truth every single day in America.

The story goes that a leader of a Chinese church was invited to come to America and visit our churches to see what they are like. In one of the churches he was asked to say a prayer. So he stood up and prayed, “Lord, deliver us from American Christianity!”

That is a prayer all of us can pray, and we can add to it, “Help us, instead, to become known for the way we love each other. We pray that you, Lord, will pour out the love of Christ into our broken and repentant hearts and create something incredibly beautiful for all to see.”

Men, it is time to break out of groupthink and obey our protocol

““Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” (Ephesians 5:14)

I believe God has raised up the modern men’s ministry movement in America to help all Christians in our country break out of our groupthink.

I am asking every man, everyone, reading this to “plead the cause” of a widow. Take your wife and your kids, if they are old enough, or find another man or two at church to go with you, and serve the neediest person in your church on a regular basis. Usually that person is going to be a widow, but it can be anyone with a long term unmet pressing need. Then serve that person on a regular basis, say a couple of hours each month. Get to know them. Learn to love them. Find out what their real needs are and then meet their needs. If their needs are greater than your resources, then “plead their cause” before your church.

You do not need to start a major program in your church to do this. (Although, if your church is amenable to starting one, then New Commandment Men’s Ministries can help.) All you need to do is be a faithful example over the years to others in your church.

But hold on for the ride, because the love of Christ has a track record of taking people places they never dreamed they would go.

This post first appeared in NewCommandment.org.

Next post: “A Passage for Getting There”

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Learn how to form teams of men for every widow, single mom

and fatherless child in your church at NewCommandment.org.