Part I: Where Are We and How Did We Get Here?
Chapter 1: You Can’t Give What You Don’t Have
I have come to believe that so much of our performance-driven lives is based on our need to be received unconditionally and blessed for who we are, not for what we do.
Chapter 2: Houston, We Have a Problem”
When I began to understand the statistics pertaining to the loss of our young men and women from the church, it became quite apparent that many are lost during the pre launch phase prior even to getting to the launch pad for adulthood.
Chapter 3: Two Down and One to Go!
- Of the children born after 1985 who were in the church at the time of starting kindergarten, the church will lose 70-80 percent of them by high school graduation.
- The greatest loss will occur beginning at the ages of thirteen and fourteen, and will reach a disastrous peak during the ages of fifteen and sixteen.
- Of the young men and women who are in the church at the time of their graduation from high school, we will lose more than 90 percent of them within five years, with the greatest loss coming within the first two years after graduation.
Chapter 4: If You Think You’re Confused
In the United States, the confusing issues of adulthood and the age for attaining adulthood can be divided into three general categories of restrictions or stipulations: in the use of facilities and similar privileges, in the food and entertainment industry, and in the legal arena.
Chapter 5: The (Much) Longer(er) Road to Adulthood
It was the acceptance of G. Staley Hall’s work that led to the widely accepted belief that our children must go through a period of rebellion and crisis before entering the adult world. Based on what many believed to be foundational truths arrived at by careful research, it became widely accepted that the turbulence of adolescence was inevitable.
Chapter 6: We Will Just Have to Do It for Ourselves
What’s happening across the nation appears to be simple in its basic nature. The lack of an adult connection – that is, men and women of the older generation helping to define the rules and bring value to their lives – has caused our sons and daughters to make the rules up as they go. The most tragic situation occurs when, desiring acceptance, they allow others to define the rules for them.
Chapter 7: “A Great Place to Raise Kids, But a Terrible Place to Raise Adults”
The first issue is that of stratification. While we call the church a family, in reality our ministries are stratified by age groups or special needs. And the special needs often relate to a portion of an age group: for example, special needs within the sector of the seniors, Baby Boomers, or Baby Busters. Typically all the generations of the church are brought together for one worship service throughout the week, and even on that occasion, in many churches the children are removed for a separate worship service away from their parents.
Part 2: Don’t We Need to Know Where We’re Going?
Chapter 8: And How Would You Describe It?
There does not appear to be any place in the Bible where God indicates a period of time when a person is no longer a child but not quite an adult. There is simply childhood and adulthood.
Chapter 9: You Have Got to Be Kidding Me!
I can honestly say to a thirteen-year-old, “You are an adult. I believe that with all my heart. Our responsibility as a church and a family and as your parents is to help you become more spiritually mature. It’s not going to happen overnight, and it’s not going to happen in every area all at once, but as a parent and a member of this church, I want to help you grow in spiritual maturity each day.”
Chapter 10: You Call This a Family?
One of the reasons I believe the church is losing its effectiveness today is because we’ve stratified the generations. We do our best to keep each of them away from the others.
Chapter 11: You Cannot Finish What You Do Not Start
If we believe God is the only creator and he is fully responsible for changing his children’s bodies from a childlike body to an adult body, we have to acknowledge that the Creator is also the author of adulthood. Step one in God’s plan is that he and he alone will transform our children into adults.
Part 3: Can Anyone Tell Me How to Get There?
Chapter 12: Raising Men of Honor and Women of Virtue
When I’m speaking in churches, I often ask young folks and their parents if they have friends who left church and their relationship with God because of a misuse of drugs, sex, or money. I have yet to be in a group where no one raises a hand to acknowledge a friend who has fallen prey to Satan’s plan to distort, deceive, and destroy.
Chapter 13: Are You Ready?
If God has revealed to you that he and he alone creates an adult and that our job as parents and as a community of believers is to help them on the journey to spiritual maturity, then not only are you able to continue, you feel required to do so. You have no choice. You know what your children need to help them keep their faith.
Chapter 14: Are You Able?
When we communicate that the goal for our children is not perfection but maturity, and that the only expectation we have of them is growth, we will free them up for the journey. And maturity is a journey, not a destination.
Chapter 15: Are You Prepared?
We need to warn our children that because they have incredible value and potential, Satan is going to try to pull them out of church. Let them know they’re in a battle. Let them know we’re in that battle too. If you drifted from church for a season, share what you learned. Share your regrets. Be honest about the dangers of wandering.
Chapter 16: Are You Willing?
The following six characteristics help us know if we are traveling in the right direction toward being more spiritually mature and Christlike:
- Purified
- Submitted
- Prepared
- Self-controlled
- Trusting
- Setting an example
Chapter 17: A Future and a Destiny
Smalley and Trent pointed out the critical elements of a family blessing:
- meaningful touch
- a spoken message
- attaching high value on the one being blessed
- picturing a special future for the one being blessed
- an active commitment to fulfill the blessing
Part 4: “Even Generations Yet to Be Born”
Chapter 18: Legacy or Just Another Legend?
Perhaps you’re wondering why rites of passage are so important. It’s because the rite of passage into adulthood is a defining moment that marks the line between childhood faith and adult faith. Without it, that line becomes blurred. Too often, young people have no connection to an adult faith.
Chapter 19: Bring Your Runners to the Starting Line
As you hold your son or daughter, you say, “This doesn’t mean I’m leaving you or that you’ll have to run the race on your own. It means that, unlike your childhood days when virtually everything you did could be observed by your parents, it might appear to you that you’re all alone. But that isn’t the case. There will be checkpoints in the race where we’ll be waiting for you.
Chapter 20: Developing the Community of Coaches and Encouragers
The coaches, encouragers, and community we need to develop around our children are normally within a handshake of our own lives and can cross gender and generational lines. As we recognize what God has done in making our children adults, we must commit to helping them learn about adult relationships.
Chapter 21: Run the Race to the Finish Line
The bottom line is this: The plan to raise our kids to keep the faith really must be a plan to help them keep their faith rather than our faith.
Chapter 22: Expect the Best
As parents, churches, and a society, we seem to have lost track of how much our children respond to what we value. Our children can see the difference between what we say is important and what we genuinely value.