Introduction: A Passion for No Man Left Behind
This book represents what we have learned in a combined sixty years of experience discipling men, and almost thirty years of working with church leaders who are discipling men. We have worked with churches from more than one hundred denominations, and our organization, Man in the Mirror, has partnerships with more than a dozen denominations. We have conducted more than fifty classes in men?s discipleship through our LeadershipTrainingCenter. We have worked directly with the leadership teams of more than 2,500 churches, and have had the opportunity to learn from thousands more. We have conducted extensive research and fieldwork in hundreds of churches. We believe God has given us these unique opportunities in large measure so that we would write this book.
1 ? Men?s Ministry Is Rocket Science
Men?s ministry is grueling. As one of our leaders has said, ?A man is a hard thing to reach.? Men?s ministry actually is rocket science. While the process is simple enough, men themselves are quite complex.
It can take up to ten years to build and sustain a successful men?s ministry. That?s right. Ten years. As Richard Foster said, ?Our tendency is to overestimate what we can accomplish in one year, but underestimate what we can accomplish in ten years.?
Part One: The Promise of Men?s Ministry
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2 ? No Man Fails on Purpose
Many, if not most, of our cultural problems?divorce, abortion, juvenile crime, fatherlessness?can be traced back to the failure of a man. Ironically, it?s a man who got up in the morning hoping to succeed.
If you disciple men, marriages will improve, then families, then the church, and finally, the world.
3 ? What is a Disciple?
In our experience with men and men?s leaders, we have found three things that every man wants:
- something to give their lives to,
- someone to share it with, and
- a personal system the offers a reasonable explanation for why the first two are so difficult!
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We would like to suggest three conditions that, if met, qualify a person to be counted as a disciple.
- First, a disciple is called to walk with Christ; they profess faith in Jesus Christ.
- Second, a disciple is equipped to live like Christ; they are engaged in a process of spiritual growth and transformation.
- Third, a disciple is sent to work for Christ; they serve the Lord.
4 ? How Do Men Change? Helping Men Experience Heart Transformation
This is our fundamental struggle. Every moment of every day we choose to either live out of our own strength and be independent from God, or to depend on God alone and walk by faith. when we try to be independent, we sin. When we walk by faith, Christ?s righteousness is lived out in obedience.
Christianity is not about behavior modification, it?s about heart transformation.
What kinds of things does God typically use to touch a man?s heart?
- Prayer
- Music
- Drama/film clips
- Testimonies and stories
- Activities
- Shared experiences
- Relationships
- Children
- Service to others
- A man committed to him (friend)
Part Two: The Foundations of Your Ministry
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5 ? The Portal Priority and the Man Code
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Jesus doesn?t call churches to make ?workers? but ?disciples.? The purpose of ministry, then, is to make disciples, not workers. Men don?t enjoy being made to go on a forced march. True disciples become workers out of the overflow of their growing relationship with Jesus Christ.
Discipleship is the portal priority through which all the other priorities of a church can be achieved. Only by moving through the discipleship gateway can people truly affect their church and their church can affect them.
Just as your church has an unspoken?but well-known dress code, it also has an unspoken ?man code.? The man code is the environment your church creates for men. Within a few weeks after beginning to attend, a man understands what it means to be a man in this church. Just like with the dress code, this impression isn?t explicitly stated. Men soak it in from the atmosphere around them.
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6 ? The Three Strands of Leadership
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Your ministry with men will be a reflection of the leaders God raises up within your church.
Research seems to indicate that unless a leader devotes at least five?and more likely ten?years to an initiative, success is unlikely. So unless you are willing to devote ten or more years to building a men?s program, it would be better for the Christian men?s movement if you didn?t start. These are serious times that require serious leaders willing to devote serious effort for a serious length of time.
The three strands of leadership for your ministry are the senior pastor, a primary leader, and a leadership team.
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7 ? An All-Inclusive Ministry to Men
Making disciples is all about taking men who don?t know Christ and helping them become mature, passionate followers of Jesus. This journey can be represented by a continuum:
MEN WHO NEED CHRIST ————– MATURE DISCIPLES
Your ministry to men will need to help men at every stage of this journey. We call this concept the wide-deep continuum.
You will interact with men at all points along this wide-deep continuum. On the left, or ?wide,? side are men who are not all that interested in spiritual things. To reach guys on the wide side, you need activities that reach them at their point of interest. These are activities that require little or no preparation and low commitment.
To reach men on the ?deep? side, you need activities that meet their spiritual needs more deliberately. These activities probably have a connection from week to week; they require preparation; they?ll go deeper into biblical concepts; they will offer accountability and transparency; and their focus will be on more mature Christians.
Part Three: Planning and Executing Your Ministry to Men
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8 ? Vision: A Compelling Reason for Men to Get Involved
Your men?s meeting is not a meeting on some schedule of activities. Your men?s ministry is about being part of what God is doing to transform the lives of men and women through the men of your church.
Men are tired of doing things ?just because they should? or for no apparent reason. Men?especially younger men?want to be involved in something bigger than themselves.
9 ? Create Momentum by Providing Value
The key to help a stationary man get moving is to create value for him. Know your men, then reach them in ways that are relevant to their lives.
Every man in your church fits into one or more of the following five categories:
Type 1: Men who need a relationship with Christ.
Type 2: Men who are cultural Christians (men on the ?fringe?).
Type 3: Men who are biblical Christians, or want to be.
Type 4: Men who are leaders, or want to be.
Type 5: Men who are hurting.
10 ? Capture Momentum With the Right Next Step
The big event, the adventure retreat, the altar call. Done correctly, these events can catapult your ministry forward. But, too often, several months or even a year or two later, leaders look around after these events and realize their ministry is right back where they started.
Trap #1: The Personality-Driven Men?s Ministry
Trap #2: The Event-Driven Men?s Ministry
- Make the follow-up fit the event.
- Rightsize the commitment you are asking for.
- Always have an ending point.
- Choose good ?second gear? material.
- Start new groups for new men.
- Help the men take the next step?on the spot.
11 ? Sustain Momentum Through Relationships
To sustain momentum with men, get them into real relationships with other men who are seeking Christ. You can?t sustain without small groups and one-on-one relationships.
A ministry to men has to be more than just events; it must be about helping men to become mature in Christ. Again, it takes a long time to make a disciple. Almost always, discipleship takes place over a period of years in the context of significant relationships with other men.
Ensure that prayer is a part of everything you do for the men of your church. Train your leaders to integrate prayer into every activity.
12 ? Build Your Plan: How to Implement the Model in Your Church
This is how a discipleship program for men in your church should work. A man makes a decision to step onto the belt, and off he goes. It has built-in momentum. And for the man, it?s natural.
If you are meeting with your team on a regular basis, spend your next four meetings on this chapter. Each time, work through two components, completing the ?Within the Next Three Months? exercises. After three to six months, have another series of four meetings to complete the ?Within the Next Year? activities for each component. This will give you time to actually implement the plans you make.
A Plan for the Next Year
- Explaining the Portal Priority
- Modifying Your Man Code
- Develop the Three Strands of Leadership
- Developing an All-Inclusive Ministry to Men
- Clarifying Your Vision
- Creating Value
- Capturing Momentum
- Sustaining Momentum
Epilogue: Raising Up Fourth Seed Leaders
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The Big Ideas
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Appendix A ? Twenty-Five Ways to Connect with Your Pastor
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Appendix B ? Sample Vision Statements
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Appendix C ? Creating Momentum for the Five Types of Men (Forty ideas across the Continuum)
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Appendix D ? Man in the Mirror Bible Study Table Leader?s Job Description
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Suggested Readings
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Learn more about Man in the Mirror.
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