Part One: The Isolated Man
Chapter 1: Hiding
I truly believe that the greatest fear a man has is that he’ll be abandoned, especially by those he loves, if they see him for who he really is on the inside. I know it’s mine.
There are men who are Sunday school teachers, deacons, on the board of elders, and very active in the church but are using these positions and the good works they do to cover up the incredible sense of unacceptability they feel toward God,others, and themselves.
Chapter 2: Addiction
Most of us have something we turn to when we’re down. Something that gives us a mod swing. Something that makes us feel better fast. The problem is, if we go back to that “something” often enough, we get to where we can’t resist its lure. And once we’re hooked, it demands our heart and soul. It threatens to destroy us. That’s why it’s so important for us to understand our compulsive behavior and know how to restrain it.
Chapter 3: Stress
In a sense, we’ve bought into an artificial label of who we are as men. And then we work hard at convincing ourselves and others that we fit the label. Any perceived shortcoming is responded to with stress. the problem of stress is compounded by our unwillingness to reveal our fears, doubts, and shortcomings to others–especially other men.
Chapter 4: Meaninglessness
The better I get to know myself and other men, the more I’m convinced that because we’re in hiding, there’s something we fear more than poverty, illness, or injury. In a sense, it’s like fear of death. We know that one day we’ll die, but we don’t think think about dying all the time or we couldn’t function. This fear is like that. It’s there just under the surface of our consciousness. It’s the fear that our lives won’t matter. A fear that after we’ve lived and died, life will go on as if we had never been there–just like a sand castle.
Part Two: Moving Toward Brotherhood
Chapter 5: Facing Reality
As a counselor, I’ve found that true healing and healthy relationships depend on how willing a person is to face reality The foundation for any type of recovery lies in recognizing just how little control we actually have concerning our lives, and how much we truly need others.
Chapter 6: In Process
As believers, we need to realize that our spiritual life is a lot like the game of golf–it’s a process. It takes time. If we’ll hang in there, by the grace of God we’ll grow. We’ll see changes.
Chapter 7: The Huddle
The huddle should be a place where a man doesn’t just keep a set of rules and get hammered when he breaks them. The huddle is where he can go and admit his weakness and have a team help him grow through that weakness into Christlikeness.
Part Three: Strategies for Achieving Brotherhood
Chapter 8: Breaking Through Relational Barriers
What’s a buddyship? It’s a relationship in which each man facilitates, and derives deep satisfaction from, the success and achievement of the other. A relationship in which men are open and honest about themselves–their successes, failures, disappointments, and achievements. It’s a friendship in which they derive genuine pleasure from just hanging out together.
Chapter 9: What Works for You
There are many personality profiles and categories on the market… The one I’ve found the most helpful was discovered by a counselor in the 1930s by the name of william Martson. Called the DISC model, it’s a trait-based description of four behavior styles into which, Martson believed, all persons fall… The four key categories are: D (dominance), I (influence), S (steadiness), and C (compliance).
Chapter 10: Accountability and the Stages of a Man’s Life
There’s a critical study on men that has truly influenced my thinking concerning the stages of a man’s life. It was Daniel Levinson’s bookThe Seasons of a Man’s Life. Levinson looks in depth at the lives of forty men and from this research draws a theoretical developmental frame for understanding manhood. His conclusions were very simple: Manhood is reflected differently throughout the life cycle. There exist certain predictable stages of and transition points in a man;s life. Levinson’s structure has really appealed to me because it has fit my own personal experience and the experience of so many men I’ve counseled.
Chapter 11: The Blessings of Brotherhood
I thank God for my friends. And in this final chapter, I want to share with you some of the blessings you’ll experience as you develop shoulder-to-shoulder relationships with other men.