Part I – Where Are the Men?
Chapter 1 – Perfectly Designed
There’s widespread agreement – among the religious and the irreligious alike – that genuine Christianity is, at its core, a soft, nurturing faith. To “be like Christ” means always loving, always caring, always compassionate, and always gentle. Jesus does not judge people; he hugs them.
Chapter 2 – Yes, There Really Is a Gender Gap
Men’s disinterest in Christianity is so consistent around the world, it can’t be explained by pride, father issues, sin, or distraction. Neither can we say, “Men are just less religious,” because this is untrue. Male and female participation are roughly equal in Judaism, Buddhism, and Hinduism. In the Islamic world men are publicly and unashamedly religious – often more so than women. Of the planet’s great religions, only Christianity has a consistent, worldwide shortage of male practitioners.
Chapter 3 – Men: Who Needs ‘Em?
Researcher C. Kirk Hadaway of Hartford Seminary studied more than fourteen thousand congregations and found a strong statistical link between the gender gap and church decline. “Even when controlling for the proportion of older participants, a higher proportion of women in the congregation is associated with decline rather than growth.” On the flip side, churches that drew a majority of men were three times more likely to be growing than those that were majority female.
Chapter 4 – Who Are the Missing Men?
High-Achieving Men Are Missing
Young, Single Men Are Missing
Highly Masculine Men Are Missing
Chapter 5 – The Masculinity Bank
Man laws are an informal code imposed on all the men of society, except for the very young and very old. A “real man” must stand up to danger, bear up under suffering, and sacrifice himself for the good of others. This code of conduct helps a man overcome his natural instincts (fear, hunger, loneliness, etc.) so he will do what’s best for the tribe, not for himself. Masculine qualities such as bravery, stoicism, and self-sacrifice don’t come naturally to a man; they are drawn from this cultural well.
Chapter 6 – The Two Jesuses
There are two Jesuses afoot in the world today. They are both based on a partial understanding of Christ. I call one the Lamb of God; the other, the Lion of Judah…. The Lamb of God is the famous one. He’s the one who wept over Jerusalem, welcomed children to his side, and showered compassion on the suffering. He taught us to judge not and to turn the other cheek.
The Lion of Judah is the one you don’t hear much about. He’s the one who seemed to revel in conflict. He’s the Christ who declared, “I did not come to bring peace but a sword.” So wild was this Jesus that he used physical violence to advance his kingdom.
Part 2: Church Culture vs. Man Culture
Chapter 7 – Victoria’s Secret…When We Lost the Men
Men have been underrepresented in the church for at least seven hundred years…. Men began to withdraw from church life during the thirteenth century. Catholicism shifted its adoration from a male deity (Jesus Christ) to a female one (the Virgin Mary). A doctrine of weakness and dependency replaced the church?s historic emphasis on struggle and self-sacrifice.
Chapter 8 – The Christian-Industrial Complex
The Christian-industrial complex keeps pumping out products for women. Christians of both genders use these products and absorb the ideas therein. Soon, everyone is looking at the Christian faith through a feminine lens. The weight of all this female-targeted religious material is beginning to warp the faith it’s supposedly describing.
Chapter 9 – Men and Contemporary Worship
For centuries Protestant worship was fairly static. But toward the end of the twentieth century, worship changed – not just in style, but in function. The old worship was formal, corporate, and emotionless. The new worship was informal, individualistic, and touchy-feely. The old worship was about coming together to extol God; the new worship is about coming together to experience God. The target of worship has fallen half a meter – from the head to the heart.
Chapter 10 – Twelve Things Men Fear About Church
- “I’ll Hate Church, Like When I Was a Kid”
- “I’ll Lose Control”
- “I’ll Get Stuck with Some Weirdo”
- “Is He Gay?”
- “If I Become a Christian, I?ll Become Soft”
- “Church is Tough on Single Guys”
- “Christians Don?t Get Much Sex”
- “Church is Full of Hypocrites”
- “All They Want is My Money”
- “I’m Jealous”
- “I’m Being Held to an Impossible Standard”
- “I’m Afraid of Heaven”
Chapter 11 – The Stars vs. The Scrubs
When it comes to churchgoing, most women are potential stars, while most men are potential scrubs. Why? Natural ability. As we saw in chapter 1, the average woman possesses the skills that allow her to participate fully in the game. But the average man lacks the churchgoing skills that come naturally to many women.
Chapter 12 – Check Your Testosterone at the Door
Liberal churches have removed masculine pronouns from hymns, liturgy, and even Scripture, in an effort to make women feel more comfortable in church. (Note to liberals: it’s working.)
Chapter 13 – How Churches Feminize Over Time
I believe the root cause of these dysfunctions is the loss of masculine spirit. That loss, more than anything else, destroys a church from the inside out. It creates a vicious circle in which men depart, the church weakens, and more men depart. Once a church’s adult attendance is 70 percent female, you can write its obituary.
Chapter 14 – How Churches Drive Boys Away from the Faith
The real tragedy is not just that we’re losing boys, we are losing the most competitive, aggressive boys. High-testosterone boys destined to be leaders and innovators are checking out of church at a young age. Worldly temptations play a role, to be sure. But many disengage simply because of the way we raise them in the faith.
Part 3: Calling the Church Back to Men
Churches that reestablish the masculine footholds are seeing men return. These guys are bringing growth, innovation, and dynamism with them.
Chapter 15 – The Battle to Reengage Men
The battle to reengage men began June 6, 1844. A twenty-two-year old farmer-turned-department-store-worker named George Williams gathered eleven friends and organized the first Young Men?s Christian Association, a refuge of Bible study and prayer for young men seeking escape from the dangers of tenement housing and life on the streets of London.
Chapter 16 – Why Megachurches are Mega
Love them or hate them, megachurches do get at least one thing right: they attract men. As we saw in chapter 2, the larger the congregation, the less likely it is to have a man shortage. But men are not just a by-product of church growth, they are the reason behind it. Men are Miracle-Gro for a church. Put men in a church and it will grow.
Chapter 17 – Pastors and Men
Pastors, you are the single most important factor in your church’s ability to reach men. Not what you preach, but who you are. With men, everything else is secondary. Men will choose or reject your church based on their respect for you.
Chapter 18 – Teaching and Men
Before you teach or preach, be prepared. Read up. Study. Most important, outline your message. There’s power in a well-organized presentation. Also, make sure your topic is relevant to your audience. Men love truth they can use; they have little interest in Bible trivia.
Chapter 19 – Getting the Big Story Right
Want to know a secret? Every man longs to be a hero, and to be one himself. Want to know another secret? This big story is simply a retelling of the Gospels. Consider the parallels. Christ came to earth as a dangerous man – skilled, knowledgeable, and in control. He held the power of life and death in his hands. He was given an impossible assignment – to overcome a ruthless enemy single-handedly. He preferred to work undercover and told people not to reveal his secrets. His life involved a series of miraculous exploits. He was betrayed by an ally and handed over to his enemy, whose henchmen beat him almost beyond recognition. Yet he miraculously escaped his captors and completed his mission in the most unexpected fashion. He slipped the bonds of death and defeated his murderous enemy. The world was saved. In the end, he will receive a radiant bride.
Chapter 20 – What About Women?
One of the most common questions I get after my seminars is this: What about women? If we make church man-friendly, won’t women feel left out, just as the men do now? No. Women will stay. In fact, they will probably like church better – especially the young women. Here is an ironclad rule of the genders: Women are fascinated by the things of men. But men are repelled by the things of women.
Chapter 21 – Young Men and Faith
Researchers from Switzerland examined whether parents’ religious habits were transmitted to their offspring. They studied different variables, but one critical factor towered above the rest: the practices of the father determine whether children grow up attending church. And surprisingly, Mom’s religiosity has almost no influence over their kids’ future devotion.
Chapter 22 – Men, Prayer, and a Few Other Things
If you want men to pray aloud, make prayer sound like genuine communication. When you pray in a group, speak to Jesus as if he’s a real person who actually exists, one who understands modern English. Don’t repeat his name over and over. Cut the excess verbiage and vain repetitions of Christianese.
I believe the most important valuable spiritual discipline for today’s men is the discipline of friendship…. Men who stay faithful to God are those who walk closely with other Christian men.
Chapter 23 – How Men Minister to Others
Men must sense they are on a path that’s leading them toward something, or they will run aground. The path must be explained and presented in visual form so men can chart their progress.
Chapter 24 – How to Minister to Men
When the Lord started his ministry, one of his first tasks was to gather twelve men and forge them into a band of brothers. Did it ever occur to you that Jesus might have been trying to show us something? Maybe the basic unit of God’s church is not the individual, the committee, the Bible study circle, or even the congregation. Maybe it’s the small men’s group. What if the key to transforming our world is transforming men in little teams.
Chapter 25 – A Church for Everyone
As I noted in the introduction, the gender gap is widening – but signs of hope abound. Innovative churches and ministries are figuring out how to open the door to men. Here are some bright spots:
- Children’s Ministry
- Youth Ministry
- Athletic Ministry
- Music
If a small, rural, liturgical, 160-year-old mainline church that sings hymns accompanied by an organ, led by a woman, can reach men – what’s stopping you? You’ve tried all the other church-growth strategies. Why not employ the one Jesus used? Go get some men.