I love it when churches send me stories about the impact their men’s team ministry is having. One such story I recently received is from Bill Hite at Cedar Run Community Church in Oak Hill, Virginia, just outside of Washington, D.C. They have had their men’s team ministry since 2011. Recently, four men from Cedar Run’s men’s team ministry went on what they called their “North Carolina Kitchen Adventure” to install kitchen cabinets, a countertop, a sink, and a window for a widow and single mother. I am sharing their story with you because it illustrates several truths about men’s team ministry to widows and single mothers.
Bill writes:
“Herb – Thought you might be interested in the latest exploits of our NCMM [New Commandment Men’s Ministries] team at Cedar Run. A couple that attends Cedar Run has a sister who lives in North Carolina who is a widow [and single mom], and has some significant needs. We advertised this as an “NCMM Field Trip to NC” and were able to get four men to go down to do the labor.”
Bill went on to write that the widow, whose name is Elsa, experienced a major fire in September of 2022 in her kitchen and adjoining room. The fire caused massive damage in the kitchen, melted a door, broke a window, and cut off electricity in the house for eight months.
Cedar Run’s “North Carolina Kitchen Adventure” illustrates several important truths about men’s team ministry to widows and single moms
Cedar Run Community Church distinguishes between genuine pressing needs as opposed to non-pressing needs and then responds appropriately
“Let our people learn to engage in good deeds, to meet pressing needs, that they may not be unfruitful.” Titus 3:14
Eventually, Elsa was able to get new drywall installed in the kitchen and the power turned back on, but only with the condition that her home pass inspection by December 1st of this year. But the home couldn’t pass inspection without a functional kitchen, and she still did not have cabinets, a counter, and a sink. Hence, Cedar Run’s urgency last month in getting a team down to her to finish her kitchen before December 1.
Cedar Run’s response to Elsa’s need illustrates the importance of a church distinguishing between needs that are pressing and needs that are not. Pressing needs are needs the threaten a person’s wellbeing, perhaps even their life, and which cannot be met by themselves or their family and friends outside the church. When faced with someone who has genuine pressing needs, Titus 3:14 tells the church what to do: engage in good deeds that meet that pressing need. “Let our people learn to engage in good deeds, to meet pressing needs.”
In Elsa’s situation, she did not have the means to purchase the cabinets, countertop, and sink and then hire someone to install them before her electricity would have been turned off on December 1. So, in obedience to Titus 3:14, Cedar Run purchased the cabinets and countertop and its men’s team ministry installed them for her before that happened.
Cedar Run’s men’s team ministry naturally practices relational ministry with each other and with their care receivers, not just project ministry
“Treat older women as if they are your own mothers, younger women as if they are your own sisters, with absolute purity.” 2 Timothy 5:1, 2
“Through love, serve one another.” Galatians 5:13
Many churches do project ministry for widows and single moms. But there are problems with project ministry.
I call project ministry “one and done ministry.” One and done ministry is when a church focuses only on getting projects done for widows and single moms and ignores their spiritual, emotional, and relational needs. When a church simply sends someone out to fix a widow’s window after the widow informs the church of her need, that is project ministry. In this situation, no long term relationship is established between the widow and the person who fixes her window.
New Commandment Men’s Ministries teaches churches to accomplish projects for widows and single moms within the context of long term relational ministry between a team and their care receiver so that the team treats their care receiver as if they are an actual family member, as the Bible teaches in Matthew 12:48-50; John 19:25-27; and 2 Timothy 5:1,2. That is, we are not just to serve one another, but to serve one another through love. And love always involves relationship.
Notice the emphasis on relational ministry in Bill’s account of their trip to North Carolina:
“In addition to doing some good work for Elsa, we got to spend some quality time with Mark in the car (Paul drove his truck), and with Ben at the house, so hopefully Paul & I did some good mentoring as well. Paul & I were accountability partners for many years, so it was good to be able to share that experience with the guys. Oh, and we also gave Elsa’s sons (Richard and Charles) their first opportunity to use a drill, so they got some hands-on experience as well.”
Cedar Run’s men’s team ministry balances an emphasis on accountability with an emphasis on good works
“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” James 5:16
“Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its lusts,
and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness;
but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead,
and your members as instruments of righteousness to God.
For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace.” Romans 6:12-14
Men’s ministries often emphasize accountability and this is a good thing. But what many men’s ministries fail to do is balance accountability with good works; that is, along with encouraging men to turn from sinful works, they fail to give them practical ways to turn to good works.
In Bill’s account of his team’s trip to North Carolina, which was a four hour drive from Oak Hill, Virginia, Bill writes that they had plenty of time to talk. One of the subjects that came up during the trip was the importance of accountability for Christian men in these times of almost overwhelming temptation everywhere we look. “Paul & I were accountability partners, for many years,” Bill writes, “so it was good to be able to share that experience with the guys.”
Notice that this discussion on accountability occurred within the context of the good work they were going to do for Elsa. Bill and his men were balancing turning from sin with turning to the good of serving Elsa and her sons. Or, as the Apostle Paul states it in Romans 6, they were ceasing presenting the members of their bodies to sin as instruments of unrighteousness (the negative); and instead presenting themselves to God as those who are alive from the dead, and their members as instruments of righteousness to God (the positive).
Cedar Run’s men’s team ministry demonstrates the importance of men serving on teams
Bill writes that his team of four men made the four hour trip to North Carolina on a Thursday evening. Then they “worked a long day on Friday and most of the day on Saturday, then drove back Saturday evening.”
Let’s say Bill’s team of four men worked ten hours on Friday and then six hours on Saturday, or sixteen hours altogether. That is a total of sixty-four manhours, or the equivalent of one man working for a week and a half getting Elsa’s kitchen ready for inspection. Thus Bill’s account beautifully illustrates two of the many benefits of using teams of men to serve widows and single parents: their multiplying power and reduced burden on each man.
I am sure Bill’s team members were tired as they made the trip back to Oak Hill. But I am also sure they felt exhilarated and blessed by the good the Lord enabled them to do together as a team.
Cedar Run’s men’s team ministry didn’t abandon Elsa in her need after they left, but continues even now to demonstrate commitment to her
“The next day he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said,
‘Take care of him; and when I come back, I will repay you whatever more you spend.” Luke 10:35
I love the ending to the story about the Good Samaritan: “when I come back, I will repay you,” the Samaritan tells the innkeeper. This last statement by the Samaritan gives us a spiritual x-ray directly into his heart. The commitment that he made changed what he had done for the waylaid Jew from a mere kind gesture into the very love of God. “I take full responsibility for this man. When I return I will assume any debt he owes you.”
New Commandment stresses the importance of demonstrating commitment in its training on how the love of Christ applies to widows and single moms. These deer people in our churches need to know that their church will never abandon them. Just as God, in Christ, committed to us by becoming a human being permanently, in the same way, the church needs to demonstrate commitment to its widows and single moms. And so we provide teams of men for widows and single moms for as long as they need one. As a result, I know of teams that have been serving their care receiver for over ten years now. That is commitment.
Just like the end to the story of the Good Samaritan revealed his true heart, the end to Cedar run’s story on how they served Elsa reveals their true hearts. Bill writes:
“Lastly, there’s still quite a bit of work that needs to be done on the house. Anna Bedell did a GoFundMe page, but it didn’t result in much giving (only about $800). I plan to try to re-invigorate that GoFundMe page since I have quite a few friends & relatives that I believe would love to donate to this cause. Hopefully that will bear more fruit.”
That is commitment. We don’t just walk away from a pressing need that we have been meeting. Instead, we continue to work on it in a committed way until that need has been met.
Just like the men in the story of Cedar Run’s “North Carolina Kitchen Adventure,” the love of Christ takes us all to places we never dreamed we would go and it motivates us all to do things we never dreamed we would do.
And that is the greatest adventure of all.
This post first appeared in NewCommandment.org.
You Can Help Elsa Too
You can help restore Elsa’s home from fire and water damage by visiting her GoFundMe page. Bill says most of her original needs have been met, but she could still use $6,000 to $10,000 for window and kitchen floor replacement.
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Learn how to form teams of men for every widow, single mom
and fatherless child in your church at NewCommandment.org.
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