Dads, Time Flies with Your Children … Invest it Well!

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This weekend, my wife and I will marry off the fifth of our five children. I can’t believe how fast the time raced by. Sure, when I was a young dad, older men warned me, “They grow up fast.” Intuitively I knew this to be true, but still it surprises me how quickly time has moved. Use your men’s ministry to remind young fathers of these three stages of fatherhood they will encounter.

Stage 1: New Dads

Many new dads reason, “This baby is so little … I’ll let my wife and other family members handle the diapers, feeding, and bathing. I can’t wait until the baby is a little older so we can actually interact.” The problem here is overlooking the important bonding time that occurs between a dad and his newborn. It is critical for new fathers to jump right into fatherhood by holding and caring for his newborn. Family researchers tell us an infant can distinguish between the voice and even the scent of their mom and dad.

A lot of dads also think, “Wow, we now have a baby, I need to work even harder now, I need to put in more hours at the office and build up some overtime!” Unfortunately, these are hours and moments a new dad never gets back. Today, most employers understand the need for maternity AND paternity leave. The US may not be like countries such as Sweden or Japan, where paid paternity leave stretches into months.[1] But we still need to make time to be with our newborn baby. This New Dad stage is critical for being fully present with mom and your new baby. When you are up in the middle of the night, warming breast milk, you may think this stage will never end. Trust me, I’ve raised five babies. I now look back on those days with fond memories. The days are long, but the years fly by.

Stage 2: Dads with School Aged Children

There is a lot of pressure on dads at this stage. The pressure to be a great husband. The pressure to be a dynamic dad. The pressure to be an outstanding employee. Even the subtle pressure to be heavily involved in church or parish volunteer work! Don’t let the tyranny of the urgent ruin the long-term memories you need to plan. Take your family camping for a week. Spend Saturday mornings building a pancake breakfast ritual. Volunteer to help coach your son or daughter’s baseball or soccer team. Again, these are moments and days that fly by so quickly. Subtly, you are modeling what faithful masculinity looks like. And most importantly, point them toward the Perfect Father who serves as the supreme authority figure in your own life.

Stage 3: Releasing your Children

This stage of fathering is bitter-sweet. You know you are doing the right thing by helping your children become a responsible adult and sending them out into the world. But you miss the moments when you were the most important man in their world. Now, a fiancé, an employer, a professor, seems to have a louder and more important voice than your own. Let them make mistakes. You are now giving them advice as a guide from the side more than a sage on a stage. They will purchase their own first car … and it may not be one you would select. They may handle finances differently than you. They will probably select new hobbies and free time activities differently than the ones you used to enjoy together. This is normal and healthy. Remember the saying which I’ve heard many men repeat, “The older I get … the smarter my own father becomes!”

While releasing your own children into the world, you may also realize you have more time to mentor young men or serve widows and orphans in need. You and your wife can spend even more time together reconnecting or parenting all over again with grandchildren.

As I stand at the altar this weekend officiating the wedding of our fifth out of five children, I’ll probably be sad realizing the time has flown by so quickly. I’ll remember the Scripture that reminds us, “You do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away” (James 4:14). But, I’ll also be happy and filled with joy because God has faithfully helped us raise five children. He was always present and faithful during the good times and the struggles. He will do the same for you. “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1)

© Dr. Paul Pettit

[1] When it comes to paternity leave, laws in Japan are ahead of the curve, offering 12 months to new fathers. While many companies provide flexibility through shared parental leave, Japan offers one full year of paid parental leave exclusively for fathers. https://vacationtracker.io/blog/countries-with-the-best-maternity-and-paternity-leave/#:~:text=in%20the%20World-,Japan%20%E2%80%93%2012%20months,parental%20leave%20exclusively%20for%20fathers.

This post first appeared in NewCommandment.org.

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