Much of men’s ministry centers around married men. Sure, teaching men on marriage, parenting, and family is critical, but many single men are also involved in men’s ministry and they oftentimes feel left out or singled out. Here are three principles to keep in mind as you minister to men.
Principle #1: Single men are not inferior to married men.
After visiting many evangelical churches, one could leave with the mistaken impression that only married folks are of any importance to the church or to God. Many men are not yet married. Others have suffered through the tragedy of divorce or separation. Older men, and some young men, can be widowers. And a few men have purposely chosen to remain single. Marriage isn’t for everybody.
Therefore, always include single men when teaching on family. Always work at including single men in any small group program you offer. Always include single men in all the various group activities you offer. You get the hint … single men should never be demeaned or overlooked in your ministry efforts. Jesus of Nazareth was single. Probably, the Apostle Paul was single. Single and married men have similar wants and needs … one group should not be highlighted more than the other. In fact, the Apostle Paul spoke about marriage and singleness when he wrote: “I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.” (1 Cor. 7:7)
Principle #2: Do not shame divorced men.
Divorce is always a tragedy. Family members are shattered. Wounds are created which often last a lifetime. No one walks down the aisle on their happy day thinking, “Some day soon this will all end in divorce…” Every ministry has their own interpretation of Scripture with regard to divorce. And every men’s ministry must adhere to the church’s doctrines and belief statement. However, try not to “sideline” divorced men and exclude them from ever serving or holding a leadership position in your men’s ministry. We can never know the full story of why anyone goes through a divorce. I have heard prominent ministers state, “Whenever there is a divorce both parties are always at fault … no one is innocent in divorce.” I’m not sure I fully agree with this proposition. The older I get the more I meet divorced folks who tell me, “I tried everything I could but he/she was determined to leave.” Bottom line: be gracious with divorced friends … they are probably self-conscious enough without our constantly reminding them or the others in the men’s ministry about what they’ve been through.
Principle #3: Do not center your entire men’s ministry around the idea of family.
One of my mentors, Herb Reese, brought this principle to my attention. I often minister to fathers through my ministry called Dynamic Dads. Most men’s ministries, and Herb has worked with hundreds, center the majority of their teaching around men as husbands and fathers. However, the goal of men’s ministry should be building up all men, so they are gifted for every good work…. whether they are married or single. “And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” (2 Cor. 9:8) What is the “every good work” that men should do? It might or might not have to do with family, marriage, or parenting. So don’t make 90% of your teaching revolve around serving as a husband or father.
Let us all, married and single, become thoroughly equipped for every good work.
© Dr. Paul Pettit
This post first appeared in New Commandment.org.
Dr. Paul Pettit is Director of Career Services; Adjunct Professor in Pastoral Ministries, Media Arts and Worship, and Educational Ministries and Leadership at Dallas Theological Seminary.
Resources for Dads
A five-time dad, Dr. Paul Pettit has become a spokesman for the responsible fatherhood movement. Dr. Pettit has founded Dynamic Dads which offers key resources to help Dads succeed in their unique role of fathering. His website provides curriculum for either existing small groups, or for forming a new Dynamic Dads group at your church.
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Learn how to form teams of men for every widow, single mom
and fatherless child in your church at NewCommandment.org.
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