This post is a continuation of my series on ministry to fatherless boys.
Before you can truly embed ministry to fatherless boys in your men’s ministry, I suggest your church develop a “value statement” for fatherless children for your entire church.
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Turning first to what the church as a whole can and should do for fatherless children, Pastor Mark Strong, in Church for the Fatherless, suggests that a church begin by adopting a “value statement” for fatherless children.
By writing and posting a value statement for fatherless children, a church identifies its ministry to fatherless children as one of its highest priorities. (I would also suggest value statements for widows and single moms as well.)
Pastor Strong writes, “Your value statement might look something like this: According to James 1: 27, Northeast Community Church values the scriptural mandate to care for the fatherless. We are committed to share God’s grace to the fatherless by being sensitive to their needs and by engaging in tangible acts of service in order to enhance their lives through the love of Jesus Christ.” (Church for the Fatherless: A Ministry Model for Society’s Most Pressing Problem, by Mark E Strong, p. 55)
But simply writing a value statement for fatherless children is not enough. It needs to be prominently promoted throughout the church on a regular basis.
“Once your value statement has been crafted, you can begin to use it to create awareness in your church. Here are some ideas: Include it in your church membership classes, seminars or orientations. Place it on appropriate literature or brochures. Pass it out to members of your staff. Post it on a wall somewhere in your church where people can read it. Share it from the pulpit. Post it on your website, send out a tweet or put it on your Facebook page. Have a staff prayer meeting and pray over the value and its implementation. Write an article and include the statement, and email, blog or mail it to church members. Include it in a newsletter. Say it over and over again.” (Ibid., p. 66)
Learn Who Your Fatherless Boys Are
Once your church writes and promotes its value statement, you need to identify the fatherless boys in your church. This question is important because we can’t minister to our fatherless boys if we do not know who they are.
Once we know who our fatherless boys are, the next question to ask is: How do we minister to them?
The best way to minister to fatherless boys in any church is not to set up a separate ministry for them, but to include them as a special focus in your already existing ministries.
As Pastor Strong writes, “The key to embedding a corporate value in your church, organization or ministry to meet the needs of the fatherless is not creating something brand new. It’s the deliberate embedding of care for the fatherless into your existing ministries, services and culture.” (ibid. p. 62)
The natural place to begin is with your men’s ministry. Given the pervasiveness of the need, every men’s ministry in the country should have an emphasis on ministry to fatherless boys.
Here are some ways a men’s ministry can embed ministry to fatherless boys in its own ministry to men:
Teach Your Men about the Importance of Ministering to Fatherless Boys
One way to begin a conversation about fatherless boys is to simply ask your men if any of them grew up in a fatherless home. If so, ask them to share their experiences and especially if they had any role models who stepped in to fill their father’s absence.
Then teach on the many passages of scripture that touch on this topic, some of which I have shared above. You can start with James 1:27.
Finally, give your men a vision of reducing fatherlessness in your church and community by pointing out that reaching fatherless boys will reduce fatherlessness in just one or two decades as those fatherless boys come to Christ and grow up to become godly husbands and fathers themselves.
Include Fatherless Teen Boys in Your Meetings
Most men’s meetings are appropriate for teen boys, such as men’s breakfasts, retreats, and sporting events. Besides encouraging your fathers to bring their teenage sons to these meetings, make a special effort to invite teen fatherless boys to them as well. But be sure to provide a volunteer in your men’s ministry to pick them up and take them home.
Recruit Men from Your Men’s Ministry to be Mentors for Fatherless Boys
Of course, you don’t have to limit your recruitment of mentors to just your men’s ministry, but your men’s ministry is definitely a natural place to start. What better way for your men to grow in their walk with the Lord than to come alongside a fatherless boy and minister to him? Besides being a blessing, they themselves will be blessed too.
In his book, Fatherless America and the Church, my good friend, Sam Mehaffie, writes, “I truly believe the most important ministry a men’s ministry program can start is a mentoring program, and I believe there are many men who would get involved in this…. The challenge is to get churches—men—to reach out to this new ‘mission field’ of fatherlessness.” (page 49)
In his forward to John Sowers’ book, Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story, Donald Miller shares his testimony of how godly men in his church mentored him:
“John and I have a similar story. When we were kids, men from our church took us under their wings and taught us how to be men. These men weren’t our fathers, but they were men provided by God, and evidence that God has a heart for fatherless kids. Without these men, I’d most likely be in prison. John may have fared better, but it’s statistically doubtful.” (p. 19)
Create Male “Rites of Passage” and Include Fatherless Boys
How does a boy in America know when he has become a man? When he goes through puberty? When he gets his driver’s license? When he can drink alcohol? When he first has sex? When he joins a gang?
A major problem with teenage boys today is that there is no real defining moment when they pass from childhood to adulthood. And if the boy is from a fatherless home, the problem of not knowing when he crosses the line into manhood becomes even greater.
This lack of clarity in American culture of when a boy becomes a man is one reason why the concept of “rites of passage” has taken on special significance in men’s ministry.
Most cultures have rites of passage for boys. The bar mitzva in Jewish culture is one example. But there is no clear rite of passage for boys in American culture.
Given the current problems the church is having in retaining young boys — and especially fatherless boys — it’s time for churches to develop their own rites of passage.
To help you research this topic and develop a rite of passage for boys in your church — and especially for fatherless boys in your church — here are three references to help you get started:
David Olshine gives a good overview of rites of passage in “Boys will be Boys: Rites of Passage and Male Teens.”
Dr. Chuck Stecker, another good friend of mine, has written a book on rites of passage called, “Men of Honor, Women of Virtue.”
For an example – although a rather extreme one – of an actual rite of passage, read Dr. Vern Poythress’ post, “How I Helped My Boys to Become Christian Men.”
Give Fatherless Boys “The Blessing”
Every boy coming of age secretly longs for his father’s blessing. This is why I suggest that every Rite of Passage should conclude with a very special blessing pronounced by the father on his newly recognized adult son.
Some examples in the Bible of fathers giving their sons a special blessing are Isaac blessing Jacob in Genesis 27:18-29, Jacob blessing Judah in Genesis 49:8-12, and Jacob blessing Joseph and his sons in Genesis 48:15-16.
In their book, The Blessing, Giving the Gift of Unconditional Love and Acceptance, John Trent and Gary Smalley write, “The Blessing described in Scripture always included five elements:
1. Appropriate meaningful touch
2. A spoken or written message
3. Attaching high value to the one being blessed
4. Picturing a special future for him or her
5. An active, genuine commitment to fulfill the Blessing” (Ibid., p. 51)
As you can see, a fatherless child receiving such a blessing as he commences his adult journey would be greatly encouraged by such a blessing. Most fatherless children never experience this kind of basic affirmation of their potential for good.
As John Sowers writes in Fatherless Generation, “This generation is an Esau generation—a generation that has lost its birthright and is longing for the father’s blessing. But the fathers of this generation can no longer bless them because they are gone. While this is a tragic reality, it is also a great opportunity to bring healing and reconciliation to a broken generation. When authentic relationships have been established, there are opportunities to speak words of blessing into the lives of those we mentor.” (ibid., p. 118)
Reach Out to Fatherless Boys in Your Community
Once you have successfully reached out to the fatherless boys in your church, it’s time to begin thinking about fatherless boys in your community. Some churches work with local schools to provide them with male mentors. Some churches even work with the local court system to provide mentors for juveniles in trouble.
Whatever your men’s ministry does, remember that working with fatherless boys can become some of your most fruitful ministry. As Sam Mehaffie writes,
“Because certain men in my church came into my life, I am the man I am today. Frank Boyko was my sixth-grade Sunday school teacher. He would put his arm around me and just be there. That gesture spoke volumes to me. There were others: John Struss, George Escourt, my stepdad, and most of all my Uncle Vern, whom I still consider my mentor and my role model. These guys helped bring healing into my life and helped me discover hope through Jesus Christ. Because of men like these, I learned that God believed in me, and he can’t be wrong.” (Fatherless America and the Church, p. 7.)
This post first appeared in NewCommandment.org.
Since 2003 New Commandment Men’s Ministries has helped hundreds of churches throughout North American and around the world recruit teams of men who permanently adopt their widowed and single parents in their congregations for the purpose of donating two hours of service to them one Saturday morning each month. We accomplish this with a free training site called New Commandment Men’s Ministry
Learn how to mobilize your men’s ministry to meet every pressing need in your church here.
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Learn how to form teams of men for every widow, single mom
and fatherless child in your church at NewCommandment.org.
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