Handling Conflict With Difficult Neighbors

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. -The Apostle Paul

At the moment, Patti and I have great neighbors. But that has not always been the case. All of us from time to time have had difficult neighbors who irritated us to death. As Christians, we’re supposed to love our neighbor as our self. That command applies to both great neighbors and not so great neighbors. So what to do when we can’t stand our neighbor? Here are some suggestions:

• Take the hit. When I think of conflict with neighbors, I often remember the biblical story of how Abraham allowed Lot to choose where he would move to so their herdsmen wouldn’t fight. Lot chose the best pasture land, of course, because that’s what people like Lot do. The result was that Abraham got stuck out in the tulies. But “the meek inherit the earth,” as Jesus’ comment on this story goes, and Abraham wound up having the last laugh, The moral of the story: maintaining peace with our neighbors can be costly. But God will bless us when we take the hit in order to do so.
• Don’t withdraw. American neighborhoods are perfectly designed for withdrawal. When conflict arises with neighbors, it’s tempting to cash in on this trait and keep our distance. We may think that the best way to deal a conflict is to ignore it, but don’t. Instead, keep the lines of communication open. Smile on the way to the car when you see your neighbor. Shovel their sidewalk in the winter. Do whatever you can to let them know you want to be friends in spite of your major disagreement. “Love bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
• Be patient. Time often does heal wounds. The two of you can get over this. Picture a healthy relationship and keep it as your goal, even if achieving it is five or ten years down the road.
• Be compassionate. Your neighbor has a history that you’re probably unaware of. Take that into account.
• Practice infectious love. Love is catching. Just as a neighborhood can be infected with gangs and violence, it can also be infected with love and peace. Encourage the later.
• When necessary, take a stand. Years ago, I had a neighbor who insisted on keeping his vicious dog off leash while he worked on his front lawn. Every time I walked by, it would run full steam at me, snarl and nip at my leg. One time it attacked my own dog. After repeatedly experiencing this ordeal, I decided it was a safety issue and reported him to the city. After he received his warning, our relationship abruptly ended. We all want to be good neighbors, but we also have to be realistic about safety.
• Pray for your neighbor. Ultimately, conflict with neighbors is a spiritual issue. Pride, selfishness, hatred and a host of other fleshly evils take control of us and them. Our battle as Christians is not against our recalcitrant neighbor, but against “spiritual forces of wickedness in high places.” That’s a battle that can only be fought on our knees.

No one likes conflict. The easiest way to avoid conflict with our neighbors is to avoid relationships with our neighbors. But loving our neighbors as ourselves demands that we risk conflict from time to time. Responding to conflict appropriately enables us to continue pursuing the kind of relationships on our block that God intends us to have.

This post first appeared in NewCommandment.org.