“Hear, my son”

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Out of all the jobs I’ve had this one is the hardest. I’ve planted strawberries in the summer and Christmas trees in the fall, but this one takes more faith. I’ve delivered news over the radio to a nationwide audience, but that doesn’t compare to the cool and calm needed for my present assignment. One year I was laundry man for my entire college football team, however, this task can be more humbling. Unless you’ve experienced it firsthand, you’ll probably laugh, like I used to, and ask, “how hard can it be?”  In case you haven’t guessed I’m writing about parenting.

The one thing our children need more than anything else

I want my kids to grow up healthy, so I try to give them a balanced diet. I hope my children learn manners, so we teach them, “please” and “thank you” and “may I?”. I plan on my kids being emotionally stable, so I help them to laugh at their mistakes. But there is one character trait, one value, I want them to possess more than any other. I want my children to become wise.

The common definition of wisdom is, “skill for living”. It takes wisdom to walk along this journey we call life. How many times have you wished you could take back a purchase you really shouldn’t have made?  Have you ever said “yes” to an oily salesman and later spent an evening realizing you failed to make a wise decision?  Lots of people are smart. You can get smart by reading books. However, not all smart people are wise. Wisdom includes being smart but is more than sheer intelligence. Much more. Wisdom is worth dying for. An eighteen-wheel truck shouldn’t keep you from chasing after it. Yet where does one go for wisdom?  If it is indeed crying out from the streets as the Bible says, how come so few people ever bump into it?

Poor behavior patterns are passed down from generation to generation.  You are a blessed person indeed if you had parents who took more than simply a passing interest in you. And you could consider yourself forever fortunate if you had a mother or father who pointed out ways to live wisely. Parents can give their sons and daughters tips on making it to the finish line of life. Books can also give great advice for avoiding the pitfalls that plague us. Short stories filled with fables, morals, and maxims help to open our eyes to the dangers around us in funny, easy to remember ways. However, if you seek the handbook of handbooks look no further than the Scriptures. The Word of God is a veritable mother-load of wisdom literature. In fact, the good book tells us wisdom itself comes from the author!

There are two kinds of wisdom

First, let’s make sure we’re talking about the right kind of wisdom. The New Testament writer James reminds us there are two distinct kinds. “Who is wise and understanding among you?  Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.” (James 3:13-17) So make sure you don’t get sold a bill of goods. Make sure to get the “coming down from heaven” kind of wisdom. That’s the kind your children will use for life. Remember the old saying, “you’re not raising children, you’re raising adults.”   It’s true. Our children need wisdom to navigate on through into adulthood. Who among us would give the car keys to our eight-year-old with the instruction, “hang in their son ’till you get it right! Driving is hard and you’ll probably get some bangs and bruises but keep on driving!”  Neither should we expect our sons and daughters to figure out wise living on their own.

Our bookstores are filled with advice on raising kids. But you can do no better than the Big Five. What are the Big Five?  Many scholars call the section including Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and Song of Solomon, the “Wisdom Literature” of the Bible. Focusing on God’s ways and means for correct living, this section literally explodes with advice and admonition. You could pay a consultant millions and do no better than this treasure trove of tact. Especially helpful is the portion, Proverbs 1-9.

Teaching versus learning

Two things are going on in this section: teaching and learning. The teaching is done by a father, and the learning is done by a son. It is assumed what the father has the son is lacking. What is never assumed however, is what the father has, the son desires. In fact, left to his own devices or ignoring the instruction of the dad, the son becomes what every parent fears: a fool. The fool is pictured as a bumbling dunce. A senseless creature no smarter than an ox who follows blindly into a ditch. The wise son looks, listens, and learns from his devoted dad. The dad teaches the boy how to handle girls (especially the flirtatious kind), money (how to keep it and how to spend it), nature (how to observe and learn from it), and life itself (how to live it to the fullest).

Recently I have been teaching my own grandkids about consequences. I broke down the word for them, since they admitted they didn’t know what it meant, and told them that it meant “a pattern”. “The word ‘sequence’,” I said, “means ‘one thing after another.'”  “When you put the word “con” in front, which means “with”, you have “one thing which affects another.”  They seemed duly impressed but went right on licking their ice cream cones.

“Norah”, I announced, “give me a pattern of events which affect each other?”  “Uhmmm,…..I dunno”, she muttered. “Well,”, I chimed in, “like when you eat too much you gain weight, or when you stay up late at night, what are you in the morning?”  “Grouchy” she surmised. “Right! “You got it!”

“Hudson, give me another one?”  “Like…um…if you get out of your car seat the policeman will stop us,” he said, repeating an often-heard warning in our mini-van. “Or if you drive too fast, you’ll get a ticket,” my wife added, smiling.

Parents have two full-time jobs: one they get paid for and one they don’t

The cry of Proverbs 1-9 is “Hear, my son!”. And it should be a lesson for us as parents as well. You probably work a full-time job. You, like me, want to come home, put up your feet and relax. But another full-time job is waiting for you when you pull into the driveway. As “learners” fly out the front door and run down the driveway, the role of “teacher” awaits. The “classroom” is wherever you decide it should be. The “lessons” are waiting all around you. Go on, dole out some wisdom today!  Your kids will thank you for it later.

Parenting is a tough job. There seem to be few rewards, at times, as take-home Sunday school lessons and Vacation Bible School art get piled together with last month’s bills and yesterday’s birthday cards. But like the good farmer who patiently cares for his crops, the wise parent takes the long-range view when investing in his sons and daughters. Wisdom dividends pay nicely.  Keep at it. Don’t get discouraged. What you are now dealing with is not the final product. The investor who constantly buys and sells, fiddling with his portfolio, seldom makes money over the long haul. Parenting takes a steady hand and a watchful eye. Some of the silly little annoyances can pass, but cracks in character must be dealt with swiftly. Remember the rewards. Having your child acquire wisdom is worth the struggle. For “blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold.” (Proverbs 3:13-14)

© Dr. Paul Pettit

This post first appeared in NewCommandment.org.

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