No matter what else you undertake today in men’s ministry you must address the growing problem of fatherlessness in your geographic area of outreach. Right now, America is in the middle of a fathering crisis. Some are even calling the United States … Fatherless America.[1] Consider the following facts:
- Across America, 2022 data indicates there are approximately 18.3 million children who live without a father in the home, comprising about 1 in 4 US children.
- About 80% of single-parent homes are led by single mothers.
- Children from single-parent families are twice as likely to suffer from mental health and behavioral problems as those living with married parents.
- In one study, 70% of youth in state operated facilities were from single-parent homes.
- Children with an actively engaged father perform much better in school, some data show they are 33% percent less likely to repeat a class and 43% more likely to get A’s in school.
- In a study of 56 school shootings, only 10 of the shooters (18%) were raised in a stable home with both biological parents. Eighty-two percent grew up in either an unstable family environment or grew up without both biological parents together.[2]
Many men who are about to become fathers feel they’re on their own. Their own fathers may have been physically or emotionally absent, causing what family experts call a “father wound.” We all have this father wound to some extent. If you’ve suffered abuse, neglect, or absence, then your wound may be a deep and painful one. Or perhaps you’ve been blessed with an involved, loving dad. No matter what your dad was like, your own fathering efforts will be affected by his example. If that example was healthy, your own children will be blessed. But if the example left something to be desired, you’ll need to make a concerted effort to avoid repeating mistakes.
Your men’s ministry should always include an emphasis on the hope Christ brings! You can determine to stop a cycle of poor fathering or continue to build on a legacy of healthy fathering…in many ways it’s your decision. Men need other men to learn positive fathering habits. Men need older men who’ve walked the fathering journey to pass along the wisdom gained. The active, healthy men’s ministries I’ve seen almost always include some form of inter-generational involvement.
Has your men’s ministry considered teaching a course on healthy fathering? Being a good dad begins by taking an early and active role in a child’s life. What better place to learn positive fathering and grandfathering traits than in an effective, healthy men’s ministry? First-time fatherhood training begins with how a new dad treats his wife during pregnancy and will intensify the closer he gets to “D-day” (delivery day). This is no time for fear! This is a job for a real man. A real man helps his wife when her ankles are swollen and her back hurts. An active, present dad helps his wife through the pain of labor and delivery. Moreover, an engaged father holds his newborn close—very close—and whispers in his tiny baby’s ear, “I’m your daddy … I love you. You’re safe in my arms; I’m going to take care of you.”
An effective men’s ministry should always promote a biblical view of masculinity. A healthy model of masculinity includes tasks such as changing diapers and warming bottles in the middle of the night. The truly Christian, masculine man enters his newborn’s world and explores it with his baby, seeing the world through the baby’s eyes.
Expectant dads sometimes think, “I can’t get down on my hands and knees and coo and crawl with my baby! I’ll feel like a sissy!” That’s the kind of thinking that deepens the father wound. Unfortunately, when dads think this way, the cycle is perpetuated, and the pain of longing for an involved father continues. An active men’s ministry could hold classes for new dads and invite these first-time fathers from the surrounding area to participate.
A baby who never receives the touch and attention of a loving dad will go through life wondering, “What’s wrong with me?” If you think we’re exaggerating, consider this striking statistic: In the first eighteen months of life, gender identity is formed. That’s right! Before the first two years have sped by, an infant is able to distinguish the subtle differences between his father’s and mother’s voice, heartbeat, smell, and even skin! Before babies can even say “dada” or “mama,” they’ve already locked into their brain the thought this is mom, or this is dad. Fathers are genuinely needed from day one. In a previous age extended family members would help young men become fathers. This age has passed with our mobile society and the breakdown of the family. So, the church must prepare fathers to enter their newborn’s world physically and emotionally.
Active participation in a healthy men’s ministry is a further step in becoming an involved dad. From day one, reject passivity! Help your men fight through the father wounds they may have experienced and lovingly help them move toward their baby… their very own generous gift from God. Emotionally healthy men make better fathers. Trust us on that. Here are few practical ideas a local men’s ministry could undertake to help reduce fatherlessness in their area:
- Offering a course for first-time fathers.
- Holding an off-site father/son or father/daughter weekend.
- Teaching on the damaging effects of fatherlessness.
- Allowing grandfathers opportunities to share their fathering experiences.
- Encouraging pastors to preach a series on the importance of godly fathers.
- Allowing fathers and sons to serve on outreach teams to widows and single moms.
- Encouraging father/son and father/daughter missions’ trips.
- Holding father/daughter events. If a young girl has no father or father figure in her life, encourage an approved leader in the church to spend this special day with her.
- Holding father/son events. If a young boy has no father or father figure in his life, encourage an approved leader in the church to spend this special day with him.
© 2023, Dr. Paul Pettit
This post first appeared in NewCommandment.org.
[1] This phenomenon began in the mid to late 1990s with the seminal work: Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem, by David Blankenhorn.
[2] America First Policy Institute. ISSUE BRIEF: Fatherlessness and its effects on American society, May 15, 2023. By: Jack Brewer
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Learn how to form teams of men for every widow, single mom
and fatherless child in your church at NewCommandment.org.
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