How to Meet Pressing Needs Without Becoming Obsessive

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For those of us who, like myself, have an obsessive streak in our personalities, talking about meeting pressing needs can be like offering a PB&J sandwich to someone with a peanut allergy. Suddenly we become focused solely on meeting the needs of others and lose our life balance.

For myself, I have a personal Scriptural “EpiPen”^(R) when I start feeling obsessive about pressing needs. It’s Matthew 11:28-30, where Jesus gives us this wonderful invitation:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

We were not saved to do good works so that we continually feel exhausted and overwhelmed. Jesus’ yoke is easy and his burden is light! If we are weary and burdened, if serving others has become a drudgery, something is wrong. We’re no longer yoked to Jesus. We’re no longer working at His pace and with His power.

So it’s important to know when we’ve gotten ourselves into a bad place by doing good. The first thing we need to do is identify when we’re yoked to the wrong person.

How to know when you’re obsessing about meeting pressing needs.

• Your joy in serving is gone.

Joy is the canary in the birdcage. When your joy in serving others dies, something is wrong. When you finish your task in serving someone, ask yourself this question, “Do I feel refreshed now that I’m done or do I feel relieved that it’s over?” If you feel refreshed with what you’ve done, that is joy in service. But if you feel relieved that it’s over, that is not joy in service.

• You feel overwhelmed.

You despair because you have limited resources and the pressing needs around you far outpace your resources. And yet you feel personally responsible for meeting those needs and have a sense of failure because you haven’t.

• Your primary motivation is guilt, fear and obligation.

You feel guilty because you are unable to meet the pressing needs around you. You fear rejection from others and especially from God, and so you press on out of a sense of obligation even though you know that your effort is ultimately futile.

• You’ve become cynical.

You’ve developed a hypercritical attitude toward people in need. You are no longer able to objectively assess the situation but instead denigrate all poor people as ill-deserving.

• You’re ignoring your own needs and the needs of others closer to you.

You’ve begun to think of yourself as a martyr and find pleasure in your pain. You ignore your own needs and even the needs of your spouse and children.

Clearly, anyone experiencing these types of feelings and thoughts when it comes to meeting pressing needs has some pressing needs of their own! Here are some steps to take if you find yourself experiencing these symptoms to one degree or another.

What to do when you begin to obsess about meeting pressing needs.

• Stop, step back and assess.

Stop what you’re doing and diagnose yourself. Do some or all of the above symptoms describe you? If so, it’s time to make some changes. Simply knowing that it is not God’s will for you to feel overwhelmed is a starting point. Remember, Jesus’ yoke is easy and his burden is light.

• Get some rest.

Jesus gave his disciples periods of rest when they were stressed out with serving others and he wants you got get some rest too.

Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to [His disciples], “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” (Mark 6:31)

• Know your limits.

Everyone is surrounded with pressing needs that are greater than their own ability to meet. Knowing how far you can go and when you have reached your limit is critical in serving others. While it may be selfish to say, “I won’t do that,” it is not selfish to say, “I can’t do that.”

• Remember to advocate.

When you have reached your personal limit, you have another resource – other people. You can address overwhelming need by advocating for that person or people.

• Focus on quality, not quantity.

Love a few people well, not the masses poorly. In John 13, Jesus transitioned from his public ministry to his private ministry with his twelve disciples. I love verse 1 in this passage: “It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.” Here Jesus is showing his twelve disciples the depth of his love for them in a way that he hadn’t to the masses.

And that is what Jesus wants us to do as well. We can’t love the world as ourselves, but we can love our neighbor as ourselves.

• Let love motivate you.

The Bible does not command us simply to serve one another, the Bible commands us to serve one another in love (Galatians 5:13), and there is a huge difference between the two. Serving someone out of obligation is slavery. But serving someone because you love them is freedom.

I often talk about the importance of identifying with someone before you serve them. Why? Because that is how we develop compassion for them. And out of compassion comes love. And out of love comes sacrifice.

And when you sacrifice for someone because you love them, you feel joy.

And that is what it’s all about.

This post originally appeared in NewCommandment.org.

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