Here are two stories about two widows and single mothers. They happened at the same time and illustrate the difference between pressing needs and non pressing needs and why it’s important to distinguish between the two.
The first story is about a situation that happened last week.
It was 9 PM when the doorbell rang. Patti and I, being the early-to-bed-early-to-rise type, were already heading to bed. When I opened the door I recognized Zoe, a young girl from up the street. She and her “mother” Elsa (actually her aunt, but her aunt, a widow, was raising her) had recently sold their home and were moving. I knew them, barely, because I had volunteered to mow their lawn. The reason I hardly knew them was because Elsa is a hermit and I had spoken with her over the years maybe four times.
Unfortunately, Elsa hadn’t hired anyone to move them and now they needed help. True to form, she had sent Zoe to ask instead of coming herself. I could tell Zoe was embarrassed to interrupt us at such a late time of night.
That is the first story. The second story was unfolding at the same time the first happened.
A disabled elderly widow with a heart condition, Audrey, and her disabled adult child with a brain injury from a car accident, Laura, who lived about an hour from us in Fort Collins, had contacted me and Patti. They were about to be evicted from their apartment simply because the owner wanted to upgrade it from Section 8 housing (where the government pays half the rent and the renter pays half the rent) to a regular rental.
Patti and I had been working with Audrey and Laura for a couple of months trying to find suitable housing for them as well as funding for the move. Unfortunately, we had come up with nothing on both counts. If we didn’t succeed, in a few days Audrey and Laura would be put out onto the street; a life threatening situation given their disabilities.
When Zoe showed up at our doorstep late at night asking for moving help, Patti and I were already scheduled to meet Audrey and Laura the next morning and look for apartments.
So those are the two stories about two widows and single mothers.
Here’s how I responded in the first story to Elsa and Zoe’s request for help with moving.
I told Zoe that I wouldn’t be able to help her and her aunt, but that they could hire men to help them move on MovingHelp.com. (Every church office should have MovingHelp.com plastered on their wall.) Zoe was obviously unhappy to hear that, whipped around without saying a word and left.
Why did I deny Elsa and Zoe’s request even though they lived just a few houses up the street from us? Because their need was not a pressing need. There was no immediate danger to their lives or their property. They had just sold their home for hundreds of thousands of dollars and could afford to hire movers. They simply didn’t want to. They were trying to save money, and they wanted me to help them do it.
What I was doing was prioritizing Audrey and Laura’s need over Zoe and Elsa’s even though Audrey and Laura live an hour a way from us. The reason was because Audrey and Laura’s need was a pressing need. They were in danger of loosing all their possessions, not to mention their lives.
As it turned out, the day after Zoe showed up at our door asking for help, we did find suitable Section 8 housing for Audrey and Laura. If I had spent the night helping Elsa and Zoe move, I would have been too exhausted to help Audrey and Laura.
So here’s the principle: if churches don’t distinguish between pressing needs and non pressing needs, they will waste their resources on meeting needs that are not critical and not be able to meet needs that are critical.
“Let our people learn to engage in good deeds, to meet pressing needs, that they may not be unfruitful.” Titus 3:14
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Learn how to form teams of men for every widow, single mom
and fatherless child in your church at NewCommandment.org.
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2 thoughts on “How Two Widows and Single Parents Illustrate the Difference Between Pressing Needs and Non Pressing Needs”
Thanks for the perfect illustration on the difference between pressing and non-pressing needs. Our Men’s ministry just helped a woman and her young adult son move last Saturday. They were moving from a very filthy and dilapidated house which isn’t sellable and will probably be condemned. They had been living in it for quite a few years and are moving to a nice little house which was formerly owned by a distant family member who recently died. I believe they are renting the new house from the family in control of the estate . The woman (I’ll call her Sally) is on social security and the son receives a modest medical disability. They both seem to be somewhat mentally and emotionally challenged. Sally has a recently widowed sister (I’ll call her Mary) in our church who seems to be financially stable but Mary always asks our Men’s Ministry to help Sally when she has needs like this. Mary is quite aware that our mission is to help people with true Pressing Needs, and that many of them pay for materials and other costs when they are able to. I’m pretty confident if we don’t help Sally, she will be left helpless. I don’t want our Men’s Ministry to get the reputation for being cold hearted (Mary has been a life long church member and does a lot of talking). I’d appreciate any suggestions or comments you might have for us in negotiating this delicate situation.
This is a really interesting situation, Ron. Thanks for sharing it with us. If you have the manpower, maybe what you could do is form a team for both Mary and her sister and single mother, Sally. Then the team can alternate every other month between them. While they don’t have immediate pressing needs in the sense of imminent danger to life or property, they do have long term needs that may need to be addressed by your men’s team ministry. Does this help?