Recently, I received the following email from someone I’ve known for several years. It’s a cry of desperation because her church is not responding to her family”s deep need. I’ve contacted the church on their behalf, but to no avail. Here’s the email:
My husband has been hospitalized for several months and our daughter is also in the hospital as of this past Sunday. I am worn out, spent, overwhelmed, exhausted and depressed. I know my journey as a caregiver is far from over. And I know my story is not unique. That is why your ministry is so vitally important. Your teams are such a blessing. How I wish there was something like it here. I have no idea if my husband will transition home or if he will need long term care. Either way the road will not be easy. I am not sure why I am writing. Perhaps you can use my tale of woe when talking to churches. Tell the churches to seek out families like mine that deal with debilitating chronic illness. Try to prevent the burnout and exhaustion. …?God bless you and all that you do.?
Sadly, this woman’s church is engaging in practical heresy. Here’s what 1 John 3:16-18 has to say about this situation:
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
New Commandment Men’s Ministries helps churches meet long term needs. Most often, the people with these types of needs are widows and single moms. But whole families can struggle with debilitating long term illness as well. If you have any families in your church in this type of situation, PLEASE consider providing them with a team of men to serve them as they struggle with chronic illness. Taking meals to the family and sending them cards isn’t enough. Long term needs require long term solutions. Don’t do kind gestures for these families and then abandon them. Instead, adopt them and take them under your wing. If you do, they and your church will be blessed beyond measure.
This post first appeared in NewCommandment.org.
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Learn how to form teams of men for every widow, single mom
and fatherless child in your church at NewCommandment.org.
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4 thoughts on “This Makes My Blood Boil”
I don’t know about women, which I am one. I feel some people in my church are helpful for sure, but others don’t have empathy for people with emotional illness. But I still want to remind that there are people in that church that are ind to me. I left the church because it’s too hard for me to explain the great difficulty I struggle with, regarding my emotional illness. This church did very well with developmentally challenged adults. I was one of their helpers with the Bible study for the developementally challenged adults. I enjoyed that very much..
I’m replying to my own message. My first name is Diane, not Duane.
I hear you. I and others have been calling my church pastors, Saddleback Church, Lake Forest, CA, for over 5 years for help for people with mental illness with needs such as a good place to stay (not “housing”) down to $14 for a locker (this person gets $25/month after government housing room and board). We are in a giving campaign to raise $70 million for more seats, walls, and fountains. Every reply has been “We don’t do this,” or “we can’t do that.” And yet, when Rick Warren’s son lost his life to suicide, all of Saddleback church’s locations worldwide changed all their plans on a dime. It is pastors who are called to take care of the church, and NCMM is one of the ways people serve individually and with what they need NOW (today literally, as Rick Warren has correctly preached). I know the Reeses, and when I was in crisis, Herb came to our house within 30 minutes. Saddleback Church is not interested in NCMM–we are not even allowed to refer someone to a program unless it is one that runs out of our church. Sad for us. Thankfully, a Presbyterian church nearby helped me when in need several times, although I didn’t even go there. I do today, and I look forward to the time I can talk to pastors about NCMM. And in the meantime I will ask a pastor to go with me for a psych ward visit (Saddleback church already turned us down–not one of our over 60 pastors visits the mentally ill in psych wards or prisions. I will pray for caregivers today, in response to your comment, Ms. D’Apice.
As a family caregiver and one who works with other caregivers myself, I can empathize with what’s been said. Too often families with chronic illness are left to fend for themselves. There are plenty of casseroles brought over in the beginning of a crisis but as time goes on there is less and less support and assistance from family and friends. Instead of saying, ‘I don’t know how you do it,” why not roll up your sleeves and do “it” WITH the family in crisis? It is lonely, isolating and exhausting, to say the least. Thank you for encouraging churches to respond to the needs of families like this.