I love my wife. Always have. Always will. Patti is the most amazing woman. Just spend ten minutes with her and you’ll find out why. She’s beautiful, godly, intelligent, personable, loving, and fun. She’s the second pea in my pod.
On the other hand, I have learned how to love Patti over time. For example, when we met, I lived in inner city Dallas. Though it was a pretty sketchy and dangerous place, I never locked my apartment door. But after we got married, I learned that security was a big deal for Patti. Remembering to lock the front door became a major way I could show her love. Another example of this kind of practical love: I’m an outdoor person. Patti, a fair redhead, is not. So I learned to like malls.
Truth be told, when we got married, I was a typical self-centered, selfish male. So at first I thought all of these adjustments were a pain in the derriere. But over the thirty-eight years of our marriage, I’ve come to enjoy finding new little things I can change that make her happy, like remembering to put the blinds down when she comes home from work because she’s sensitive to light.
I call this incremental love. Marriage is a process of falling in love, and then learning how to love. The how in marriage is incremental love. We become better at practicing love over time when we learn to enjoy finding new ways to please our spouse.
This difference between the state of loving someone and the practice of loving someone applies to our spiritual life as well.
I’m a Christian. I love God because He has created me and redeemed me. He has loved me from before the foundation of the universe and given me eternal life because by faith I’ve accepted the gift of His Son, Jesus Christ, as my savior from sin.
But I’m also learning to love God. I’m discovering new ways to please Him every day. This kind of love is incremental love. Paul talks about it in Ephesians 5:10, “Try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord” (ESV).
Sometimes at night, as I go to sleep, I ask myself, “What did I do today that was pleasing to the Lord?”
“I saw a police officer at Starbucks and thanked him for his service. Yes, that was pleasing to the Lord.”
“I went to the store and got milk for Patti at the last minute without complaining. Yes, that was pleasing to the Lord (and Patti).”
“I worked diligently at my job. Yes, that was pleasing to the Lord.”
“I mowed my care receiver’s lawn in Faithful Hands. Yes, that was pleasing to the Lord.”
And then I picture God smiling.
Because I know He is.
This post first appeared in NewCommandment.org.
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2 thoughts on “Incremental Love”
This is so true! I loved the part about learning to like malls. After 50 years my husband has, too–or maybe he just tolerates them.
So good to hear from you, Joan! The next time I go to the mall with Patti, I’ll think of Joe and suffer vicariously with him. My love to you both.