If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you’ll notice that I hardly ever mention marriage and family. I’ve done this consciously. Here’s why.
First of all, modern evangelicalism in general, and men’s ministry in particular, are obsessed with marriage and family. Walk into any church facility and what do you see? What you see is a huge portion of the complex dedicated to children and youth ministry. The church’s staffing and budgeting almost always parallel this same emphasis.
Similarly, attend any men’s ministry conference and what do you see there? You see plenary speakers, workshops and conference booths concentrating on marriage and fatherhood as well.
There’s nothing wrong with churches and men’s ministries encouraging strong marriages and families, of course. But the goal of my ministry, and this blog, is to fill a gap that shouldn’t exist.
The gap I’m talking about is a lack of emphasis in our churches on the neediest people in our congregations: usually the widowed and single parents. Here are the reasons why this gap exists.
- Ignorance of the Word of God on the topic of widows and orphans. This ignorance extends even to pastors. “I had no idea the Bible had so much to say about widows,” one pastor once told me. In actual fact, the Bible has much more to say about widows, orphans and others in need than it does on the topic of marriage and parenthood.
- Lack of compassion. Church leaders are simply unaware of the critical needs in their own congregations. Here’s a sad comment I recently received from someone who has been able to observe pastors over time: “I’m a law enforcement chaplain. Pastors do not come to the scene of the death of a member of their church. They do not visit members of their church in the hospital. It appears that pastors no longer consider themselves to be shepherds of their flock.”
- Lack of a plan for long term care. Churches have a “one and done” mentality when it comes to their widowed and single parents. One time project ministry and “kind gestures” substitute for genuine love, which never ends.
- The belief that “families and children are the future of the church.” They are not. For example, recent Southern Baptist statistics reveal that only half of children raised in the SBC stay in the church.1 Rather, how church members love each other determines the future of their church.
- A poor or nonexistent practical theology of good works. The purpose of good works, the Bible teaches, is to eradicate pressing needs in the local body of Christ.2 Were you aware of that? Are there pressing needs in your church? Are they being met? Do you know enough about your church to even answer that question?
Truth be told, current evangelical Christianity emphasizes things the Bible doesn’t (marriage and family) and ignores things the Bible does (meeting pressing needs in the church).
By the grace of God, that ignorance is the gap I aim to fill.
This post first appeared in NewCommandment.org.
Learn how to meet every pressing need in your church here.
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Learn how to form teams of men for every widow, single mom
and fatherless child in your church at NewCommandment.org.
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- “Only Half of Kids Raised Southern Baptist Stay Southern Baptist“
- “Let our people learn to engage in good deeds, to meet pressing needs, that they may not be unfruitful.” Titus 3;14
2 thoughts on “Why I Don’t Post about Marriage and Family”
Great article. I agree.