It doesn’t happen often, but every now and then I get reports of a men’s team ministry care receiver who has an entitlement mentality. Instead of being thankful for the service their team is providing, they become critical and demanding. Of course the team wants to show their care receiver the love of Christ, but this type of attitude makes it extremely difficult for them to continue.
Yesterday I received an inquiry from a team whose care receiver serves as an excellent example of this type of situation.
We have a team that serves a woman who seems to be a user not of drugs but of people. She is not grateful and is demanding. It has hurt the morale of the team. How would you handle this kind of situation? Would confrontation be needed or is it part of the unconditional love (agape) we are called to show?
This is how I responded:
- First of all, I would assign the team with a demanding care receiver a second care receiver and have them begin alternating service each month between the two. The team almost certainly will receive positive feedback from the second care receiver, which will be an encouragement to them. Having a second care receiver will also serve as a reminder to the critical and demanding care receiver that her team is serving her on a voluntary basis and that there are others besides her who have needs.
- Then, after a few months, if the demanding care receiver’s attitude doesn’t change, I would encourage the team to have a “heart to heart” with her about her thankless and critical spirit. The Bible calls this “speaking the truth in love.” After praying together about it, the team should state gently but clearly to their care receiver what the problem is and how it’s making them feel.
- Finally, if the care receiver takes the rebuke poorly, then the team should drop him or her and focus on their second care receiver alone.
Showing the love of Christ to someone with a long term need by identifying with them, committing to them, and sacrificing for them doesn’t mean nurturing in them an entitlement mentality. Critical, thankless and demanding care receivers need to be lovingly confronted about their sin and then ignored if they refuse to change.
This post first appeared in NewCommandment.org.
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3 thoughts on “Responding to Thankless and Demanding Care Receivers”
I didn’t have the money for the ingredients. NOW, l have a reliable stove, but my money is still very low, thru my own stupidity. I forgot to write thank-you notes by way of msgs this time, but l’m grateful, nevertheless, SO grateful
for ALL the wonderful help y’all have given me since 2004 – 14 yrs of the caring help y’all have given me all these yrs. I know l don’t deserve one bit of it. I should have found a WAY to repay you (even a LITTLE bit), besides just saying “thank you.”
No, Kathy. This post has nothing to do with any care receiver at our church.
I hope l am NOT one of those thankless & ungrateful care receivers. If l am, l beg the forgiveness of everyone on my care team & every team member, including you. I’ve always felt bad about not baking cookies for y’all.