I’ve been in ministry almost all of my professional life. And my wife has been a nurse practitioner all of hers. Early on in our marriage I realized that I would probably never make more than she did. It wasn’t an easy pill to swallow, especially since I grew up in “The Wonder Years,” the 50’s and 60’s, when men were expected to be the primary breadwinner, if not the sole breadwinner. My dad, for example, supported himself, his wife, and five children on his salary alone. He retired at 65, lived comfortably to almost 100, and left a significant inheritance for all of his children.
The wage disparity between myself and my wife worsened when I went from ministry in a church to ministry in a non-profit. During the first several years after starting New Commandment Men’s Ministries, I was lucky to get a paycheck at all. That situation improved as the ministry gained traction, but Patti still makes multiple times what I do.
And guess what? I’ve had a major attitude adjustment!
I now see my wife’s ability to make a great salary as a gift, not a threat to my masculinity. It’s a gift because it frees me up from constantly worrying about fundraising so that I can devote myself almost completely to ministry. I still do fundraising. But the time I spend doing it is a small fraction (about 2%) of the time I spend doing what I love: training men to serve the widowed and single parents.
And there are other benefits as well. I can work from home, so I’m flexible in my schedule. That allows me to run errands when necessary. And – shhh, please don’t tell this to any men’s ministry leaders lest they ban me from all men’s conferences for life – I also clean house and cook dinner on the four days a week when Patti works.
Every now and then I still feel a tinge of regret that I don’t make more money than my wife. But I’m encouraged when I remember that Jesus Himself was supported in His ministry by women.
“After this, Jesus traveled about from one town and village to another, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom of God. The Twelve were with him, and also some women who had been cured of evil spirits and diseases: Mary (called Magdalene) from whom seven demons had come out; Joanna the wife of Chuza, the manager of Herod?s household; Susanna; and many others. These women were helping to support them out of their own means.” (Luke 8:1-3, NIV)
So men, I’m thinking I’m not the only dude in Dodge who has a wife who earns more than he does. If you fall into that category and struggle with resentment and low self esteem, here’s my advice: buck up. Do what you can to further your education. Work hard. Do your best.
But if you still earn less than your wife, thank God – and her – for the gift you’ve been given.
This post originally appeared in NewCommandment.org.
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Learn how to form teams of men for every widow, single mom
and fatherless child in your church at NewCommandment.org.
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