The ministry is many things. But one thing it is not is boring. Over the years, I’ve had a number of humorous things happen to me while in ministry. Here are five of them. I hope they make your day a little lighter.
The Sound of ArmorAll
Did you know that if you shine a vinyl seat with ArmorAll and then sit on it, it sounds like you’re passing gas? That’s what my entire congregation discovered one Sunday morning when they sat down after singing. The previous week our custodian had painstakingly shined each and every vinyl chair seat in our auditorium with ArmorAll. When everyone sat down, it sounded like they had just sat on one giant whoopee cushion!
His Name is Harry!
From time to time our local mortician would call me to do a funeral for someone who had no church affiliation. Prior to these types of services, I would spend fifteen or twenty minutes with the family learning about the deceased.
On one particular occasion, I went through my normal paces with the family and then proceeded to do the funeral. During the eulogy, I talked about how Fred was a great husband and father, how Fred was a hard worker, how Fred liked to laugh, etc., etc.
Suddenly, his brother sitting on the front row said in a loud and very irritated stage whisper: “Psst! Psst! His name is Harry! I’m Fred!”
Lifting Him Up in Prayer
One men’s ministry conference I attended decided to lighten things up by inviting a Christian comedian to perform. When he finished, the MC asked the audience to come forward and lift our brother up in prayer. So the entire crowd of men came up to the front. Since I had been sitting in the front row, I was in the middle of the crowd.
“Now when I said we’re going to lift our brother up in prayer,” the MC continued, “I meant we’re going to lift our brother up in prayer. Men, take hold of our dear brother and lift him high in the air as I pray for him.”
Some men grabbed the comedian, lifted him up over their heads, and, like a mosh pit, passed him along to the center of the crowd where I was. He wound up directly over my head with me holding his derriere with both hands. No one else around me was directly under him, so they were only using one outstretched arm to support him, with the result that I was bearing the bulk of his weight.
Then the MC began to pray. As he went on and on and on, those of us holding the comedian up began to get tired, with the result that, little by little, the comic started coming down. Soon I was supporting his tosh with my hands and my head, straining with all my might. As my arms became more and more tired, I began to sweat. Then my knees started giving out. Just when I thought the MC’s prayer was over, he began praying for the comedian’s family!
At this point, I couldn’t contain myself and I started shaking with suppressed laughter, which in turn started everyone else around me chuckling. Finally, when the MC closed his prayer, we all collapsed in a pile of laughter.
He Picked Me Up for Lunch
One morning I took a phone call from a church member. He asked me if he could drop in and pick me up for lunch. My schedule was open so I accepted his invitation.
Right a noon I heard the loud sound of a helicopter. When I went outside to see what was happening, I discovered my friend landing on our church baseball field in a helicopter he owned. He literally dropped in, picked me up, and flew me to a nearby town and back for lunch.
The Crazy Pastor on the Roof
My small town church had a flat roof over the Christian education section. Since it was surrounded by large sycamore trees, every fall I had to get up on the roof and rake the leaves off.
One particular fall, as I raked the leaves, I disturbed a huge black bumblebee hive. The bees began swarming me so I starting frantically swatting at them with my rake. As I danced around madly on top of that roof with my rake in hand, it dawned on me that the people driving past me on the busy highway near the church couldn’t see the leaves on the roof, and they also couldn’t see the bees. All they could see was one very crazy pastor dancing around on the roof of his church, wildly swinging a rake in the air.
So there you have it. Enjoy your day.
This post first appeared in NewCommandment.org.
For the past sixteen years New Commandment Men’s Ministries has helped hundreds of churches throughout North American and around the world recruit teams of men who permanently adopt their widowed and single parents in their congregations for the purpose of donating two hours of service to them one Saturday morning each month. We accomplish this with a free training site called New Commandment Men’s Ministry
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One thought on “The Sound of ArmorAll: Five Hilarious Ministry Moments”
You are one of the funniest people I know. I still say you should write a book about the funny and profound experiences you have had. The story about your Hebrew class not having the usual test on Monday after a busy weekend of serving God is my favorite.