I like to say that you know you have a successful men’s ministry when the women in your church try to horn in on it. It’s true that there is nothing in the Word of God that says women can’t minister to the widowed and single parents. But New Commandment Men’s Ministries’ vision is first to minister to men, and then minister through men.
Why New Commandment Men’s Ministries Focuses on Using Men to Serve Widows and Single Moms
The Bible is full of examples of men ministering to widows and single moms: Job (Job 29:13), Elijah (1 Kings 17:8-24), Jesus (Luke 7:11-17), John (John 19:25-27), and the first deacons (Acts 6:1-6, 1 Timothy 5:3-16) all ministered to these women. Paul tells Timothy to treat “older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity” (1 Timothy 5:1). Indeed, James writes that the purest form of a man’s (and woman’s) religion is “to visit widows and orphans in their distress” (James 1:27).
Another reason we focus on using men is because many men have a difficult time with church. And many churches have a difficult time knowing how to minister to men. Consequently, most churches have far more women in them than men. (The usual statistic I hear bantered around is that typical congregations are comprised of 60% women and 40% men.)
So when a men’s ministry comes around like men’s team ministry to their widowed and single parents – a ministry that has had great success in equipping men to serve in the church – I have hoped that the women in these churches would step back and cheer their men on. And that has in fact been the case.
But in some situations it may be necessary for women to join with the men in their church in order to properly meet the long term needs that exist in the congregation.
The Ultimate Goal is “No Needy Person Among Us”
When thinking about the efficacy of the love of Christ in a church, a key goal for any church should be for it to be able to say – as the early church could say – “There is not a needy person among us.” So when it comes to men’s team ministry to the widowed and single parents, the priority isn’t the men’s ministry, the priority is the widowed and single parents.
How Using Women Changes Your Men’s Team Ministry
Including women in your men’s team ministry will change the nature of the ministry. It will no longer be a men’s team ministry to the widowed and single parents, but simply a team ministry to the widowed and single parents. Including women doesn’t mean you can’t have a men’s ministry in your church. Men’s team ministry is just one aspect of men’s ministry. It just means this particular ministry is no longer focused primarily on men.
When to Consider Using Women in Your Men’s Team Ministry
The primary situation I have observed where it might be beneficial for women to be involved with men in serving their widowed and single parents is when the church has a high ratio of people with long term needs to men who can serve them.
To some extent I encourage churches to compensate in these situations by assigning more than one care receiver to a team and by using teams of three men instead of four. But even then, some churches cannot cover the long term needs in their congregations with just their men. At this point, it is appropriate for churches to begin recruiting women.
How to Use Women in Your Team Ministry
Two of the reasons why we use teams of men are: one, because we want men to develop relationships with each other; and two, because we want accountability between the team and its care receiver. That is, we want the men to develop a relationship with their care receiver as a team, not as individuals. Over the twenty-five years I have been involved with men’s team ministry, this arrangement has worked well.
On the other hand, using women with men to serve their widowed and single parents dramatically changes this dynamic. What I’m most concerned about is putting married men and married women from different marriages on the same team. Remember, these teams are going to be serving together for years to come. I think there is a chance for inappropriate relationships developing among the team members. Therefore, these types of teams should be discouraged.
Having said that, I can see three types of teams that appropriately utilize women and men together:
- All male and all female teams – This may be the simplest way to add women to your team ministry. You may also be able to retain the male teams as part of your men’s ministry and incorporate your female teams into your women’s ministry.
- Two married couples on teams – This would be a natural way to include both men and women in your team ministry.
- Mixed-sex singles teams – This would be an excellent way for singles in your church to get to know each other in a ministry context.
You may be able to come up with additional possibilities. Just be sure to run them by your pastor or appropriate staff member.
This post first appeared in NewCommandment.org.
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Learn how to form teams of men for every widow, single mom
and fatherless child in your church at NewCommandment.org.
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