Why, When and How You Should Use Funerals to Recruit Men to Serve the Widowed and Single Parents

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Men’s team ministry to their widowed and single parents started spreading to churches beyond my own pastorate 15 years ago at a funeral – my brother-in-law’s. Roy died of cancer at the age of 48, leaving my sister Dottie with two teenage girls to raise on her own. Dottie asked me to do the funeral, so I used the drive from Denver to Fullerton in Southern California to pray and meditate on what I was going to say.

Suddenly, while I was driving my family through the desert on Interstate 15 in Southern Utah, I felt a deep and profound conviction that I should preach on men’s team ministry to the widowed and single parents. It was as if a ton of granite had fallen on our car. I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I remember thinking, “This is what prophets in the Old Testament were talking about when they referred to ‘The burden of the Lord.'”

At first I resisted. I had been doing men’s team ministry for widows and single moms in my church, but I had never helped another church start it, let alone at a funeral. The thought of recruiting men at a funeral for a men’s team ministry for my sister and nieces seemed really strange. But on the other hand, I knew Dottie’s church was going to treat her like almost all churches treat widows and single moms: they were going to do a funeral and family meal, send her cards and flowers, and then let her and her daughters fall through the cracks.

But eventually I gave in to what the Spirit of God was telling me to do. At the funeral I preached on what it means for the church to truly love a widow and single mom the way Christ loves us. (That sermon ultimately became the core of my seminar on meeting pressing needs.) At the end of the sermon, I described what men’s team ministry is and asked the church to form a team for my sister and her daughters.

After the funeral, fifty men came forward to serve on teams for my sister and for other widows and single parents in their church. It was that experience that formed the foundation for my call to do this ministry full time.

So when I talk about using a funeral to form teams of men to serve the widowed and single parents, I’m speaking from experience. Here’s the why, when and how you should use funerals to start this ministry.

Why you should use funerals to form teams for the widowed and single parents.

There is no better time than a funeral to recruit men for men’s team ministry to the widowed and single parents. The surviving spouse, the fatherless children (or motherless children) are sitting right there for everyone to see. The reality of death, the uncertainty of the future, the preaching of the Word (hopefully), the personal testimonies, all serve as powerful motivators for some kind of practical response. Everyone present wants to help, especially the Christian men. Their God given drive to be providers and protectors needs some kind of practical outlet. Giving them an opportunity to form a team for needy survivors (and for other widowed and single parents in the church) will satisfy that drive.

In addition, most funerals have many non-Christians present. These people need to see the love of Christ in action. They need to witness how the Church provides in a practical way for those in need. The ongoing testimony of the team that is formed as a result of the funeral will be a powerful testimony to the relatives, friends, neighbors and co-workers of the deceased long after the funeral is over.

And finally, and most importantly, a widow or widower who sees the church responding to their need with men making a tangible commitment to serve them for as long as they need them will feel unspeakably comforted.

When you should use funerals to form teams for the widowed and single parents.

Not all funerals are appropriate situations for recruiting a team. Some survivors will not necessarily need or or want a team. A widow may have adult children living near her who will be involved with her on a regular basis. Or you may be doing a funeral for unchurched people who have no relationship to your church.

On the other hand, when someone in your church dies and the need of the survivor is obvious, such as a young mother who is left to raise children on her own and has almost no support network, or a widow who has no adult children who can help her, then these would be appropriate situations where, during the funeral, you appeal to the men in your church to form a team.

How you should use funerals to form teams for the widowed and single parents.

Here are some specific steps you should take to form a team at a funeral

1. Evaluate the need. Use the same criteria you use for any other potential care receiver in your church.
2. Get permission. Explain the men’s team ministry concept to the widow, widower or single parent and then ask them if they want a team.
3. At the funeral, preach on a topic relating to meeting the needs of the widowed and single parents.
4. Explain what men’s team ministry to their widowed and single parents involves. (It helps if your church is already doing men’s team ministry to your widowed and single parents.)
5. At the end of the funeral, invite men to volunteer to form a team for this widow or widower and for any others if the church has a waiting list.

By directly addressing the needs of the surviving spouse at the funeral, you demonstrate to your church that you take those needs seriously.

Let me know what you think. Have you ever used a funeral to recruit men for your men’s team ministry? Do you think you will in the future?

This post originally appeared in NewCommandment.org.

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Learn how to form teams of men for every widow, single mom

and fatherless child in your church at NewCommandment.org.

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