People are confused about Jesus’ teaching on marriage
Reading online comments regarding Jesus and marriage fascinates me. Here is a random list of some of them:
- “Jesus never got married … so why should I?”
- “Did anyone ever ask Jesus why he never had a wife?”
- “Could it be true that Jesus married, yet it was not recorded in the Scriptures?”
- “Jesus never said anything about homosexuality or gay marriage.”
- “If Jesus is the model, why didn’t he marry?”
These comments illustrate the confusion people have about Jesus and marriage. But one thing is clear, Jesus emphasized the permanence of marriage. We see this emphasis in Jesus’ debate with the Pharisees, who fiercely opposed him.
This dramatic conflict appears early in Mark and builds throughout the Gospel as the leaders of the Jewish religion, the Pharisees, continually work to test or trap Jesus to discredit him and his message. Mark 10 records one of these trap questions. Some well-known Jewish rabbis taught it was permissible to divorce. Others held it was forbidden, except for certain circumstances. The Pharisees wanted to pin Jesus down, forcing him to endorse the teaching of one popular rabbi over another. Jesus did not take their bait!
Even though the Pharisees set their trap with a popular, cultural debate, Jesus referred them back to Moses … the Lawgiver. The Pharisees were more than ready to engage with tricky academic questions regarding Moses. They quickly cited, “…Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send his wife away.” (Mark 10:4) At this point the debate would have ceased. How could a Jewish legal scholar not agree with MOSES! However, Mark was showing that Jesus of Nazareth was even greater than Moses the Lawgiver.
Jesus gave tacit agreement that divorce was possible, but stressed the permanence of marriage
Jesus gave tacit agreement that divorce was possible due to the hardness of our hearts … but it was never an ideal outcome or the intended purpose of marriage. Regarding marriage, Jesus said, “But from the beginning of creation…” He spoke to the very purpose of marriage. He went back to the ideal of marriage. Incorporating the Old Testament in his answer Jesus replied, “But from the beginning of creation, God created them male and female. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh; so, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no person is to separate.” (Mark 10: 6-9)
The permanence of marriage marks a major difference between marriage and parenting
Perhaps you have already studied and meditated on this thought … if not, it is worth pondering. Do you realize as a husband that you are in a one-flesh relationship with your wife? BUT, as a father, you are NOT in a one-flesh relationship with your son or daughter? You say, “What difference does it make?”
In marriage, Jesus reminds us that two people come together in a one-flesh relationship … this speaks to the permanence of the relationship. The covenant expires when one of the partners dies. “One flesh” means a merger for life. We do not experience living, breathing, flesh in death, so the martial contract is concluded when one of its signers dies. Jesus’ specific point to the Pharisees was that it was permanent … unless one spouse dies. Not so with parenting.
Because you are not in the same kind of relationship with your children as you are with your wife, your end goal must be different with them
As a father you are NOT in a one-flesh relationship with your children. They will, Lord willing, mature, grow up, and leave your home. This is normal and natural. (Obviously, there are a handful of extenuating circumstances where an adult child may live with parents for a season.) The goal of parenting is raising them to release them.
A simple way to think about the differences is to consider fishing. Sometimes we fish and practice catch and release. This would be comparable to parenting. Sometimes we fish and practice catch and keep. This reminds us of marriage. So, today, if you are a husband and/or father, meditate on these two important distinctions, and allow this simple truth to impact the way you make strategic family decisions.
© Dr. Paul Pettit
This post first appeared in NewCommandment.org.
Dr. Paul Pettit is Director of Career Services; Adjunct Professor in Pastoral Ministries, Media Arts and Worship, and Educational Ministries and Leadership at Dallas Theological Seminary.
Resources for Dads
A five-time dad, Dr. Paul Pettit has become a spokesman for the responsible fatherhood movement. Dr. Pettit has founded Dynamic Dads which offers key resources to help Dads succeed in their unique role of fathering. His website provides curriculum for either existing small groups, or for forming a new Dynamic Dads group at your church.
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Learn how to form teams of men for every widow, single mom
and fatherless child in your church at NewCommandment.org.
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